Hiya gorgeous xx
How are you all tonight? Hope you’ve had a lovely day; and you’ve enjoyed the warm weather we’ve had this week? If not, or you’re in a different part of the world, then I hope all is well with you too…
Anyway, why the post tonight? Well, why not? I’m in a happy place tonight and I want to write to about it. It’s a different kind of happy place to those that I’m used to as it doesn’t involve me being excited about anything. It doesn’t involve any sort of major ‘happy’ news and it doesn’t involve anything that I may be working on; or about to work on…
It just involves contentment.
I’m content with what I have done, I’m happy with who I have become and I’m proud of the achievement that it’s took to get here.
Now in a former life; as Bert, I’d be worried (in the back of my mind), that something is going to go wrong and destroy it all. Because thats who Bert was, that’s what Bert had become toward the end, that was Bert’s life – always looking over his shoulder and worrying about what would happen next.
But as Vikki; I’m not worried – I don’t have to worry any more. I’ve got things I need to worry about, don’t get me wrong but I’m not panicking about them; not yet anyway. I know I can sort them out given the patience, thought and time I need. And I can get those three things by asking for them and using them wisely. I can do anything I want to if I put my mind to it. And I’m proud of myself for being me and knowing I can be who I want to be.
I’m in a much better place than I’ve ever been.
Things aren’t perfect yet, don’t get me wrong. I’ll lose my car; if don’t sell it and get a cheaper one soon. I’ve got debts to sort out and finances need to be taken care of – money is a big issue. I need a job – boredom could be a killer if it takes over. I’ve got the rape case I need to concentrate on (and that’s going to be huge if it gets out). However; I have my happy place, I have my home.
When you walk into my flat; you’re not walking into Bert’s flat, youre not walking into a bachelor pad or a computer workshop – You’re stepping into Vikki’s home. You’re stepping into a place of comfort and rest. A feminine environment that keeps the eyes alive with cues as to who I am and what I like. There’s coffee in the pot and different types of Tea to drink. There’s biscuits in the tin on the side in the kitchen. There’s pictures on the walls and butterflies around the rooms, and air fresheners everywhere to eliminate odours should they arise.
If you didn’t know any better, you’d think a couple lived here; and not just one person. There’s a computer desk but with my PC and Laptop on it, my XBox and TV equipment are visible and masculine pictures of double decker buses in the bedroom… However, it’s a feminine room; not a masculine one – it’s the woman who wears the trousers and looks after the house in this place, not the man.
So all in all; I think I’ve managed to integrate the two parts of my personality – the masculine and the feminine – into one. With the feminine being the dominant side and my confidence boosting massively as I live my life as a woman. I’ve achieved my goal, done what I needed to do. I’ve put myself back together and made it all work as one. One person, one human being, one Me.
Now I just need to go out there and show the world who I truly am and let’s see if the world can handle me, lol.
I’m sure it can…