Morning gorgeous x
How are we all today? Good, I hope. And I hope you’re all doing everything you can to stay safe and well. For those that can’t, or are in precarious situations; I pray things will ease soon.
And it is with a VERY heavy heart that I write today. I find myself in a precarious situation. Of my own making, by all accounts. I don’t know everything that I did, but I do know that what I did; I should not have done. For someone like me, who generally puts others first and themselves last; this is an incredibly difficult situation. As, in doing what I did, I did NOT put others first. It’s going against every fibre of my being.
But I trust those that have made their decision, and I trust what they say; even if I cannot explain it all myself – What happened, should not have happened. And I am ultimately responsible.
I’m used to responsibility. I’m used to taking accountability. I’ve been the fall guy many times. But I’m normally very careful and much more reserved in my approach than I have been of late. This is not a good situation. And definitely one I never wish to repeat.
So, how do I feel? Well. I currently feel like I want to end it all. Like me not being here anymore would resolve all these issues. Like, what the hell am I doing all this for and why did I start this; if this was going to be the result?
Well this isn’t going to be the result and these feelings will pass. But it’s going to be a painful transition. And when I’m in pain. I write. So here we are.
When you transition, everything changes. Whether you want it to, or not. Do NOT forget that and deal with the changes, swiftly. It’s OK to be you, but it’s not all about you. Remember that. Because doing so, will cost you. Dearly.
As it has me.
Vikki 💔 x
Feeling Trans 