There Is Art, In Not Giving A F*ck, And We Need To Learn It…

Morning Gorgeous xxx

How are we all today? I hope everyone is well, in these turbulent times of ours and I hope everyone is staying safe. There’s a lot going on out there and there are some very real, existential, threats to our very existence. These threats cannot be taken lightly and yet daily life must still go on, regardless of how you and I react. Please always try to stay safe wharever you are.

So, a couple of posts back, I wrote that I was fed up wih the world at large and that I couldn’t see the point in carrying on. And I know that upset some people, but, as always with me, I do the right thing for me at the time; everyone has to. Look at it this way; everyday, every moment of our lives, is a choice. A choice to do the right thing or the wrong thing. And the more choices we make, the more we can learn from them; to make better choices, or to reinforce those good choices, next time. That’s what life is all about – Learning to make the right choices, for you and those that matter to you.

The problem is, so many friggin’ people forget that; it makes my ears burn and my eyes water – Producing a lot of unnecessary steam that I don’t need around me. And I could do without right now. The exact reason for me writing this post, oddly enough. I don’t want the steam around my ears and I couldn’t give a f*ck about it. It needs to go, to clear the air.

You see, I have some news for you folks and I’ve thought long & hard about sharing this. As it’s personal. But it is very much related to my transition and very much has a place on this blog. So, with the concept of the blog (helping others through transition) I’ve decided to share it. And here it is… My time has come, my number is up, the day of reckoning will soon arrive. The final switch will be flipped… Quite literally as that flipping thing swinging between my legs is about to get it’s marching orders! My gender corrective surgery is upon me. (Or, to appease the Anti-Trans Lobby; and to hell lets be extremist about this, my personal bodily mutilation is about to take place) The Day of the D*cks Reckoning has dawned!

Let me tell you, I personally, am very happy about this; because it’s going to resolve a genuie, long-standing problem that I’ve had all my life – Which is, what the f*ck is it thing doing there in the first place?! I’m a girl, why have I been given this thing to deal with, and all the fucked up mental health that goes with it?? (Sorry guys, I’ve never understood Male thinking and Misogyny, and I’ve seen it inside my own head; first hand – Hell I even practiced it for a while!) But the truth be told, my affinity, all my life, has been towards women. I’ve always felt more comfortable in the presence of women and I’ve always felt more accepted by women. I’ve always felt like I m one. Even though I’ve been forced to live as a man, all my life (hell I have the body of one) and have been through enough therapy to try to get me to think like one, for most of my life. If you think about it, ithat explains why I write like one!?

This has not come without it it’s problems, I assure you. Life has been very difficult for me behind the scenes, as I have explained in previous posts. It’s not easy living a lie, it fucks up every relationship you will ever have, and that’s just the start. Look, when I was a kid, I was shunned by my peers. They knew I was different, I knew I was different but nobody knew why. And it was a long f*cking time before anyone would know the truth. But I couldn’t get away from the fact that I always had that problem… Down there. The big D. The petrol pump, when I should be running on Diesel. Or, in the context of my life, that dirty f*cking secret that, unless your lucky enough to be brought up in an environment where your needs are prioritised (f*ck the nuclear family, that’s a load of bollocks), you’ll never solve until you’re most of the way to aulthood, or later. Much later in my case.

So I went through puberty discovering things about myself that didn’t make sense and having no one around to talk to about it. Hell, I’ve discussed all this previously, read the damn blog, it’s what it’s here for. But the point is, Trans people are much better at dealing with everyday problems than most people because we give less of a f*ck about them. We have to. And I think there’s a lot of jealousy regarding that, especially from the Karen community – That lot need to learn a lesson I learn’t, when I first transitioned…

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.”

Someone I Used to know…

It’s very true. And something we, as trans people learn VERY quickly. And while I’m at it – Transphobes? I fucking hear you. You don’t need to shout at me. I know the problems, on both sides of the coin, and I am fully aware of them. The long and the short of it is, however, is that it’s not your problem to give a f*ck about unless it personally affects you; which, most of the time, it doesn’t – Deal with your fears internally, don’t project them onto us. We’ve got our own shit to give a f*k about.

Trans people are demonised or infantalised because we’re different. And because were different, we have to deal with everyday issues in a very different way; it’s not a choice. And this inevitably causes some friction, somewhere. But the bottom line is, we have to do this is because, somewhere along the line, you didn’t accept us for who we are. You didn’t give a f*ck about us. We weren’t important. Your priorities and needs came first; which is understandable from your point of view And to set the record straight, I don’t mean you personally; hell, if you took that statement personally, you need a shrink sunshine. Because another one of my favourite sayings, is; “It’s not about you” – And most of the time it isn’t, because you’ll know when it is. As we find out when you project your phobia onto us

Now, in difference, comes diversity. And this is where I swing my viewpoint back across the table; and I will very likely upset part of the Trans community here. (Whatever. I don’t give a f*ck, read the title of the post) Diversity creates problems. Because the more boxes you have to put something in, the harder it is to put something in those boxes. Think about that for a minute. You’re prepping to move house. You don’t have 100 boxes for each room, you have 100 bigger boxes in total and you split them into 20 for each room. Why? It’s easier to pack. Isn’t it?

Look, wether you like it or not, every society out there puts people in boxes; it has to in order to create organisational structure, rules and uniformiy. In order to survive and to grow. Of course there can be fluididty, there has to be. That’s what greases the wheels and keeps things running. Without fluidity and movement between those structures, everything will grind to a halt. Social structure keeps things upright – Think of it this way, what the f*ck would you do without a skeleton? Bag of water…

Oh, and yes, before you start; I do understand the difference between Sex and Gender – My Gender is very much Binary, and that would be a Woman. Although if you’ve read my blog, you’ll realise I do not exclude Non-Binary peope; everyone has a valid identity and that must be appreciated and respected. But we’re not in the bloodstream of society here, we’re dealing with the skeleton. And I just see a very, very real need to simplify what makes up that skeleton, along with a very real need to include the right components necessary to build a strong skeleton. Don’t try to engage me on this if you’re not prepared to see things from that viewpoint. I see yours, I just feel I see the problems you don’t. And that viewpoint comes with the benefit of a lot of life experience, in a lot of damaging situations and a lot of self-help & therapy in order to find ways to deal with it all. And (this could be seen as confrontational – Hell the whole post is confrontational, to a point) I’ve shot down enough people to know. Let me be clear, I don’t give a f*ck.

So, let me say to you. And believe this, genuinely, it’s true. Be as diverse as you like, be true to you, be your authentic self; I applaud every one of you out there that’s trailblazing, you are worth every ounce of who you are and what you do. But remember, for things to hold up and for you to win, you have to fit into a box at some point. Society as we know it and it’s future evolution, depends on it. We will not advance if we are constantly attacking our foundations, we will only advance if we build on them. As a society as a whole. Jenga is a great game, until you remove that one block that holds everything else up. What happens then?

Look, I hear there are over 200 genders and counting. Seriously, thats waaaay too many. Simplify. It’s easier for everyone. When you look at an issue from a simpler viewpoint and remove the unnecessary complexities of it, it becomes easier to solve. There will alays be a need for those complexities to exist, they’re just not always necessary to find a solution. Consider them, be aware there will be artifacts once a solution is found. And know that you can always include those artifacts at the end of the process but don’t get bogged down in detail when trying to find a broad solution, for all. Hell, it’s not about how many boxes you have, it’s about how you pack them!

Listen, as I see it, if we as Trans people can present a unified face to the rest of the, world that is easier for them to understand; regardless of whats going on inside the Trans community, would it not be easier for the rest of the world to accept? If we realise that there are things we will never be able to do because of WHAT we are, and accept those limitations, like the rest of the word has, would it not then be easier for the rest of the world to accept WHO we are? Can anyone see a reason why that would not be possible? If we can reach that point, they may even give us our own space to get on with things and do as we see fit. Hell, they may even support it’s development…

But this is all just a thought, in the mind of one progressive Trans Woman. And tomorrow is another day. Another choice.

Much Love to you all,

Vikki x

By Vikki Kinsella

My name is Vikki, and I’m a Transgender Female living and working in the UK.

I’ve started this blog purely as a way of writing down my thoughts and feelings, as I now start my journey through transition from living life as Male to becoming Female, and beyond. You see, I spent 45 years of my life living as, what is now known as, a cisgender Male - With almost no idea that I could even consider being Female, let alone consider corrective surgery. But I must admit I did have a tendency to THINK like a woman sometimes... But doesn't every Man think like a woman on occasion? Don't try and hide it boys, you know you do, lol...

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