Morning gorgeous xx

Hope you’re all good today. The weather has been scorching here in the UK and, honestly, I feel like I’m turning into a salt and vinegar crisp. But that’s climate change for you, and we’re not here to discuss that here? Are we?

In all seriousness, I’m talking very directly as that is a consequence of the process I’m going through. The surgical one. Yes, dear reader; “Bottom Surgery” as it is known, is finally upon me. And about bloody time, it’s only been six years.

But it’s not without its complications.

Here’s a post that went up on my private Facebook recently. Have a read, and then I’ll explain it. As you know, I’ve never had anything to hide through this journey; but I can’t always say what I want to say, when I want to say it.

Morning Gorgeous ❤️ x

So, as you've all noticed (and don't tell me you haven't), I've been posting some royal **** recently. I wouldn't be surprised if a few of you didn't think I was a candidate for The Brooker Centre; for those who live close to me.

There's a genuine reason. And if you think about it, you know what it is. Take a moment to react to that; because I need your head clear for what comes next. Because there are complications. Those complications are mechanical and structural in nature and nobody should ever have to think of their own body as a piece of fxcking meat. Those complications are also going to affect the rest of my life, on a daily fxcking basis. And I've got to learn to live with them.

But that's not gonna stop me. Quite the opposite, I expect, in the long run.

There are those, some in my own family, who would beg the question; "Why go through it, then?" (and don't sit there and tell me they wouldn't because they've already said it to my face) - The answer is simple, I have to. It's a generational thing. I'm 50. And as I've always maintained, transition is a highly personal thing and it's different for everyone. Look at the Wachowskis (creators of The Matrix); they did not go through the same transition but they went through it together. The devil is in the detail, and most won't talk about the details publicly. I will, if I can

I'm not gonna post that detail here, I'll save it for the blog as that's its rightful home. This post will go there too. But I'm posting it here first because I feel I need to explain to people close to me, why I've been acting out of character recently; and why it's been quiet on the eastern front but bloody noisy over in the west.

Anyone who thinks about this, will know this is difficult for me; because there's always a 'but' - 'Yeah, you can have this, but' or 'yeah, you can have that, but' ... People wonder why I'm a commitment phobe?? I didn't put these fucking buts there, other people did. I worked around what I could but those that need to know didn't see that because they'd already turned away. So they didn't see the effort I had to put in to get past that. Hopefully this post reaches them, who knows...

My question to my version of the GOP, is "Why don't you all get over yourselves, for a change?" Because it does my fxcking head in. Yet again I'm going through something pretty much alone. Because that's what happens when life teaches you that the people who should be there, never are. Or are lying to you... (There are those that deserve that, and they know where I am if they want a fight - it's about time we had a talk on my terms, not theirs) Although that's another story for the blog.

My surgery is due at the end of August. The exact date, I will know within the next week and I'll post it here when I get it. 

Much love,

Vikki x

Ultimately, what that post says is; I’m going in for surgery. And it’s not as straightforward as it should be, and I’ve got very little help to get through it (lots of verbal support, but most friends don’t live close enough to help me day to day and family are nonexistent) – I cannot thank the small group of friends who are helping, enough 🙂 This is gonna be tough.

But any reader who’s been here since the beginning will know, I like a challenge…

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Also, and this is very strange, but chillingly accurate; is my astrological pattern for the year. (If you’re not a big believer, honestly neither am I and you’re welcome to stop reading now). But it goes on A LOT about healing and a big phrase that’s been used a lot, since I discovered this, is “Healer, Heal Thyself”.

All of this relates to something called a Chron Return, that only happens once in most people’s lifetimes (around age 50)? I’m still discovering this but everything surrounding it, all the events and the timing, match up with an event in the sky. It’s almost like the stars are aligning and this is supposed to happen now – For a reason which is beyond me. Now, I could go off on a tangent here, but I’m too much of a realist at heart. I have read astrology and some of the esoteric arts in the past, but my decision back then was to keep it real and I’m trying to do that now.

In any event, clearly, time has come and stars are finally aligning. For me, the goal is in sight and I’ve got a clear shot at the target. I’m going to take it.

My advice to you, dear readers, is find your target. Never lose sight of it. And if you get the chance to take that shit at it? Make sure you don’t miss…

Much Love,

Vikki xx