What’s that song by Frank Sinatra?…

Morning gorgeous โค๏ธ๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’œ๐ŸคŽ๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿค xx

How are we all today? I hope we’re all good and staying safe.

The world is a very different place at the moment, from what it once was and nobody can predict what the likely outcome of current events will be. Whatever happens, we’re all human; we should all be standing together, arm in arm, as brothers and sisters. Kindred spirits. Not fighting against each other. War and conflict has its place, and there must be no alternative to it. But fighting for the sake of fighting and tit-for-tat politics, do not a stable world make. For those involved in the current hostilities, world wide, my heart goes out to you all and I pray for peace soon.

Moving on though, normal service will be resumed. For now. As I don’t think there’s much more to write on this blog. There’s a massive amount of artefacts in my post history and they will need to be cleaned up; which will keep me busy for a while. I’m sure. But a piece of news landed last week; which puts me into my final stage of transition. The light at the end of the tunnel is most definitely on and shining bright.

And no, it is not Thomas the Tank Engine steaming towards me at 100mph!… What’s that song?

I see trees of green

Red roses too

I see them bloom

For me and you

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world

Louis Armstrong,

That’s what I see. Bathed in sunlight. This is definitely the end of the tunnel and I’m so glad I found it. It’s only taken me 50 flipping years!So what’s gone on? What’s happening? What’s occurring?? I’ll tell you. I’m not going to hold you in suspense (much). And I do apologise for my court language, this is Victoria in the raw. Bottom of the barrel thinking here, it don’t get much deeper than this for me

For me, one of the biggest issues I’ve had to deal with on a personal level, as far back as I can remember. Is why the fuck can’t I keep my hands off my Penis? What the fuck is that all about? And a second one that’s had a big part in my transition going so quickly, is… Why the fuck do I like sex on my back, ticking my bits and ramming things up my rectum? This is not shit that men do! This goes against everything my upbringing was all about. And I was brought up with LGBT, I was always aware of it meant – My uncle is Gay, he was a drag queen for years; I met loads of his friends, including Trans Women that he knew. But I’m not like him though, since I don’t see myself as being gay and active refute anyone who claims I am. I’m not gay; which answers the question of why I’m such a Bitch on Grindr! Lol.

Since I’ve transitioned, I’ve had the answer and it’s so straightforward, that it made no sense as to why it took me 45 years to see it! – It’s not supposed to fucking be there? Why the fuck was I born with a Penis, when everything about my attitude and personality is Female? Our lord and creator, or whatever you believe in, was being a bastard when I was born! Lol. For Tuesday’s Child (which I am) they clearly had a hangover when I was born, didn’t they? When life gives you lessons, make lemonade; in my case, I decided on Lemon Tart! Seriously.

Anyway, in order to put things right; I’ve had to jump through a few hoops. Big ones. And I believe that was necessary, it was right. Because If you’re going to go through surgery to have your Penis removed, or your vagina closed up, or your tits removed; you can’t have any regrets when you wake up from the anaesthetic! You asked for it, they queried you (as anyone would), you dumbed them down. They did what you asked – You can’t exactly do it to yourself, can you? You gotta know it was the right thing to do and you gotta be clear on that. Because, the long and the short of it is, someone’s going to lie you down on a slab, knock you out cold and take a fucking knife to you. There could be complications, there are risks involved and you cannot reverse the outcome. Once it’s gone, it’s fucking gone. Goodnight.

So how does this apply to me? Well, guess what? They’ve just told me I can have it done, if I want it. They’ve accepted my reasons for having it done, and they’ve accepted that I have made the Transition, as best I can, from one Gender (or sex, whatever suits your brain) to another. To THE other… I’ve gone from from one end of the spectrum, to as far as I can on the other, and I accept my fate. I accept what I am and I accept who I am – In order to be congruent, this is what I must do. And once this is done, I will get out there and live my life as best I can. And I will make as much of a success of it as I can.

I will not regret my decisions, I will uphold them as they are the right ones for me.

So. I gave this post a title (as I always do) and it’s a cryptic one (as it always is). So why did I choose this particular title? That’s easy, if you’ve not got it by now… What was that song by Frank Sinatra?

And now, the end is near

And so I face, the final curtain

My friend, I’ll say it clear

I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain

I’ve lived a life that’s full

I’ve travelled each and every highway

And more, much more than this

I did it My… Way…

Frank Sinatra

I have a visit with the surgeon, I get a date, I go under the knife. And I got there my way. Without help. Without seeing a psychologist, counsellor or whatever. Without listening to Trans rhetoric or falling into the trap of becoming something I am not. I considered everyone else and I didn’t make it about me. I carefully thought about each decision along the way, and I made sure it was the right one for me before I took the next step. I did what I had to do, I followed the rules and I did it the right way…

But I also did it my way.

Much love,

Vikki โค๏ธ xx

By Vikki Kinsella

My name is Vikki, and Iโ€™m a Transgender Female living and working in the UK.

Iโ€™ve started this blog purely as a way of writing down my thoughts and feelings, as I now start my journey through transition from living life as Male to becoming Female, and beyond. You see, I spent 45 years of my life living as, what is now known as, a cisgender Male - With almost no idea that I could even consider being Female, let alone consider corrective surgery. But I must admit I did have a tendency to THINK like a woman sometimes... But doesn't every Man think like a woman on occasion? Don't try and hide it boys, you know you do, lol...

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