Morning Gorgeous ❤️ xx

Blah, blah, fxcking blah (lol). Welcome to the world of a Transgender Woman in her 50’s, in 2023. What a flipping nightmare that she has to contend with! And I’ll be fair, not much of it is real. And here’s why.

I’m gonna be straight with you all. I’m gonna lay my story down in simple terms. This is how I remember it. There’s discrepancies, but I can’t help those. Here it is…

I don’t remember my childhood. Not before I was 10. I have no recollection of it, at all. Can’t remember a thing. But what I can say is, what I was told is wrong. I know this from my medical records. They don’t match what I was told, at all. I didn’t have epilepsy, I wasn’t ill, this is not me believing I am something I’m not.

I suffered with Encephalitis when I was four years old. It was rare and shocking. But it wasn’t a big deal. And should never have been. But it was made out to be. And I paid that price in blood, sweat and a fucking lot of tears.

My brother told the world I wasn’t well, although I wish he never had. Because the pain that those words wrought upon me, brought with it events that I wasn’t ready to handle (in fact, no one at that age was). But how was he to know. All he did was open his mouth and use words that he thought was making light of the situation – But it didn’t, not for me. It made things worse. It brought more heartache and pain. It brought pain that no 10 year old child should never go through.

That pain was covered up by the adults responsible for my care. Because they knew what happened was wrong. They knew that in another time, another place, another situation, those events would have been dealt with very differently. And would have caused controversy on a public level. Which they didn’t want, or need. They had their own issues to deal with, and mine was not one of them.

So I was left to deal with what happened alone. I was forced to internalise criminal events against me, which should have been dealt with through the legal system. But we’re covered up and hidden, in order to save face and keep the status quo. I had to be an adult, at 10 years old. I had to grow up much, much, much quicker than I was expected to. Which had an impact on my life that resonates to this day.

Beyond that, my real personality was hidden from the world. I could never be me. I could never be who I wanted to be. I had to be who I was expected to be, based on a generation I never understood. I had to live someone else’s life.

Never allowed to live my own.

And now. Now that I can be me. It’s almost too late. The world has changed. It’s surpassed who I thought I could be and moved beyond that. It’s something else. Other people control what I am, and who I am. And that doesn’t fit with my philosophy. I don’t fit in a world which never meant to be for me. I’m an outcast. A sporadic mutation that needs clipping from the branches of society and removing from the general evolutionary path.

But that’s what my life has become. An eccentricity that needs to be ridiculed and mocked. To be ignored.

Words should be enough to keep me within the walled garden of hypocrisy. To put me in my place. To ensure that I never flourish and grow to be the individual that I am meant to become. To keep me quiet. To hold back the power of my voice. To diffuse the light from shining bright.

Because when that does. It exposes the shadows of those who should have been integral to my development. It illuminates the failings of those who were meant to keep me from harm. It demonises those who were supposed to be the angels of my developmental path.

But that’s not their fault. How were they to know that my mind was as brilliant as it was? How were they to know, that given the right situation I could’ve changed the world and been recognised for my achievements? How were they to know that I was going to be so far ahead of my time?

They didn’t. They couldn’t. And they were never supposed to know. It wasn’t their right. But they failed me. All of them. And everything they have done since then, has been to appease their own ego’s. To make them feel better. To humanise their failings.

It’s been about them. Not about me. Which, as it happens, is the story of my life. And brings me nicely to one of my favourite sayings… “It’s not about you”…

Because it isn’t. But it’s not about me either. It’s about all of us as a collective. Nine fucking billion people, sat on a rock, orbiting a burning mass of hydrogen. And trying as hard as we fucking can to get off it before it explodes in our face.

That’s what it’s about. Not you, not them, not me. Just it. The now. The here and now.

The present. And by the fuck we need to sort it out before we blow ourselves into oblivion!

Which isn’t far away at this rate…

Trust me, it isn’t. Technology cannot save us. It can only aid our path off this  degenerate rock if we learn to use it wisely. Which, so far, we haven’t done. We waste our time burning the chemicals we need to get out of here and infighting about who is right or wrong. instead of developing new ways of using what we have and collaborating on new developments, that may help us explore further afield than we have ever known possible.

Instead, we beat the shit out of each other because we think our word is better than those who oppose us. We believe in religion and not the future. We only care about now and we don’t give a fuck about what comes next. We believe we are right, when we are wrong! And we know we are wrong, because we see it in the news everyday. You only have to look, to realise how fat it has become.

We need to stop, take a step back and realise what we need to do next. Otherwise we will blow ourselves to fucking smithereens. And, to be fair, if we carry on down this path it will be no great loss. Evolution and nature won’t give a fuck, just as we don’t right now. We think we do. Why would we not. But we don’t, because it shows in the state of the world right now. We’re fucked if we carry on the way we are, but only 1% of us really gives a fuck about that and that’s not enough.

The world needs to change, now. Before it’s too late…

For us all.

Vikki ❤️ x