Morning gorgeous ❤️ x

How are we all today? Good I hope. Because let me tell you, I’m not. I’m flipping angry. Very angry. Ready to … Well. Let’s not say that. But the pain hurts.

Why? Are you wondering? When everything has gone so well, and you’ve had one of the best transitions possible? What have you got to be angry about?… I’ll tell you why. And you’re not going to like it.

Transphobia.

Yeah, there it is. I’ve said it. And I flipping well mean it. I’m sick of it. It’s on the rise thanks to a few stupid people, who’ve got issues of their own; and it needs to stop. Do you know what the hilarious part is though? It’s that if people could just take a step back and actually talk to someone who’s Trans, most of these issues would disappear.

Because until you know someone who’s Trans, you’ve only got the rhetoric to go on. And the rhetoric is just that, rhetoric – Biased talk to get a point across and make you believe that what you’re hearing is real. And it’s not. Real life does not involve rhetoric. Rhetoric. Stinks.

Let me give you an idea of what’s happened, but you can guess. It’s not hard. Because it involves toilets. The bane of a Trans persons existence. And yet all we want to do, is go the loo; like everyone else…

So what happened?

Well that’s easy. I was in a karaoke bar, in Liverpool; the nearest city to where I live. Having a sing a long. And I’ll be honest, I open my mouth to sing and out comes Frank Sinatra, Micheal Bublé, et. al. – I’m a damned good singer and I know it; hell, I’ve got an audition soon that I’m really looking forward to. But, as you do, you need the loo. And that’s where the fun starts. Especially if your voice doesn’t fit the characteristics that it should.

So I bumps into a lady as I’m leaving the loo and there’s a short conversation regarding a lack of cleanliness material. This is not the fault of the management, there are issues beyond that and they’re doing the best they can; with regard to a bad situation – All credit to them. So, anyway, the conversation ends and no more is said. Until…

About 10 minutes later.

I’m having a quick chat with the DJ about something (I am one myself, as you know) and the manageress appears. Asking me can she have a quick chat outside… I know where this is going, you know where this going and we all know what question is about to be asked. Don’t we?? So let me say this now …

WHY THE FUCK DOES WHAT’S INSIDE MY TROUSERS FUCKING MATTER???

Because that’s what I was asked. In the form of dealing with a complaint, of course. They are, apparently, an inclusive establishment and all are welcome. Everybody is treated equally. Fair is fair in love and war and all that… But what’s inside your fucking trousers matters. You see, I was asked if I was “Fully Transitioned”. Because a complaint had been made about a man being in the female toilets. And not only was I asked this in the form of a complaint, clearly made against me. But I was also asked this in the middle of a public thoroughfare. Right outside the entrance to a major shopping centre. For all to see.

Clearly that was meant to embarrass me.

You see, I had no choice but to stay calm and deal with it professionally; as thankfully I am able to do so – I fear for anyone who is not as capable as me. Because the situation that unfolded, was I was asked, in the street, not only by the manageress (yeah, she was female) but also by a six foot six bouncer; who, as I displayed a little bit of annoyance at being placed in this position, moved ever closer in an intimidating manner. Suggesting he was prepared to involve himself, should he need to. What genitalia did I have. In order to determine whether I had the right to use that toilet.

Talk about embarrassing.

Let me tell you right here, had he involved himself, events would have taken a very different path. Probably involving Law Enforcement (though I wonder how they would have resolved the situation). As I am also trained in Mixed Martial Arts, and very capable of handling myself in difficult situations; in public settings – In fact, I’m trained to do so. Which is why I prefer a more professional approach; as that is the way to resolve these issues. Because, otherwise, it would have got messy. Mate.

Well I managed to deal with the situation. Only to find that as I was about to get my coat, the DJ pulled me up to sing. Which is funny really, as I’d been waiting nearly an hour to sing and was late for my bus. So his timing was, sort of impeccable, don’t you think. And clearly engineered. So, I kept my cool, sang my song with a tenuous feeling in my voice; definitely not my best performance. And left. Never to return. There is no way in hell I’m going near that establishment again. I don’t feel safe there.

So where do we go from here?

Well I’m considering my options and I will talk to someone with greater knowledge of the law on these issues; not that I lack knowledge, by any means. And I will proceed with caution, I have to. The rise of Transphobia, particularly from right wing politicians here in the UK creates a very unwelcome backdrop for issues such as these. But these issues cannot be left to fester, this issue cannot be left. Things must change. And if I have to do it, I will. I don’t have the fear that most do. And it’s issues like this that have stripped me of that fear.

We will see, shall we? And I will most definitely keep you posted.

Much Love,

Vikki ❤️ x

Morning gorgeous ❤️ xx

How are we all today? Good I hope. I hope you’re all well and staying safe, those that can. And those that can’t, I pray that things will become easier with time. Particularly the women of Afghanistan, and the LGBT community in parts of Africa. I may not say it much, but I pray for you everyday my brothers and sisters…

Today, I want to talk about something personal to me. Something that does not colour my opinion of other people, but a personal choice for me; for some very valid reasons – Particularly the once bitten, twice shy philosophy; and the three strikes and you’re out part of it that I hold dear.

I say this in relation to other Trans people and my close circle of friends. My family, in essence, as I don’t talk much to my blood relatives; for a number of different reasons – And some of those, I am prepared to admit, are my fault. However, it may or may not alarm you to note; that I don’t have, and won’t have, other Trans People in my close circle of friends.

Now, for new Trans people that I meet, it’s not their fault. Genuinely. They’ve done nothing wrong. And I suppose there is a viewpoint where I could be seen as being quite harsh here, in not wishing to give them a chance. Yeah, I’ll agree, there is a case that you could be right. But there is also a case where you could be wrong. And there is no right or wrong answer to this; only personal choice and the reasons for that choice.

And my personal choice, is not to involve other Trans people in my close personal affairs.

Now, before I go into why; as that will take some time. I just want to say, that for any personal choice such as this, it can be difficult for others to understand. Especially when relating to minority groups and intersectionality. Humans are pack animals, and if you’re not seen as being a part of a pack, questions are raised – Community and Society make us what we are. Hence why I mentioned those in Africa and Afghanistan in my opener (There’s always a reason why I do things, even if it’s not clear at first). They’re having their societies eroded away by others because those others are blinkered against what their society means for them. I personally don’t like it but I’m powerless to stop it, so I can only voice an opinion.

So, why don’t I, personally, have other Trans people in my close relationships? Well I’ll tell you – Or to be fair, if you’ve read this blog from the start you’ll realise I shouldn’t have to – I can’t get on with other Trans people on that level. I’ve been hurt by them too many times for me to want to try again. And, not only have I been hurt by other Trans people, they’ve used me as a weapon AGAINST other Trans people. And that has cost me personally. Both financially & mentally AND it affected my transition – It slowed it down.

Now let me tell you. If I’m on a mission to get something done, you need to clear a path for me and get out of my way. I’m like a flipping freight train, the only way you’ll stop me is a bomb across them tracks. And that needs to be a big, nuclear bomb, that I can’t see coming. And guess what, that’s been done to me before as well (read “Toiletgate” for more on that).

The thing is, if I find myself in that situation I’ll walk away. Either hands waving in the air, or the middle finger pointed at you – read “The hardest thing I’ve ever had to write” for why I have the attitude that I do – I’ve HAD to be tough. I grew up real quick, and I couldn’t rely on anybody. Lies were told and other people believed them. And, ultimately, I was forced to believe those lies as well; even though I knew the truth…

I won’t lie (I hate lies), it’s coloured my life and I’d be daft to admit otherwise. My existence can be very lonely at times, and I can go for weeks without seeing a single soul. But at 51 years old, no amount of therapy is gonna change it. It’s become my subtle art of not giving a f*ck, my defence mechanism, my protection that keeps me alive.

And as much as it could be seen as a walled garden, it’s not. Because nothing and nobody will stop me from doing what I want; if I decide I want to do something, I’ll get up and do it – No questions asked. But there’s not much I want to do anymore. Nothing lights my fire. Or if it does, it’s not for very long. And that’s because what I wanted to do, I can’t do. The thing that puts a smile on my face, solving a computer problem no one else can fix, I can’t do anymore. Can’t use a computer for any length of time due to my hand. But it doesn’t stop me trying and never will; even though the change of me getting a job now is very slim, and I don’t want to retrain and start again.

So I live my life tending to my little garden and doing the things I always do. And I’m happy with that. I have my little society of friends and acquaintances. And they are my world. And I’m happy with that. I’m happy with my identity as a woman; because I am Woman first and Trans second. And putting Trans second means, I will not let another Trans person into my garden on a permanent basis.

Because it is MY garden. I’ve worked hard to make it work. And I don’t want them there. Period.

Much Love,

Vikki ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 x

Morning gorgeous ❤️ xx

How are we all today? Good I hope. For those that can, stay safe and live well. For those that can’t, those who are facing Prejudice and Persecution; I stand with you. Those are two words that need to be stamped out of the dictionary permanently. But no one person can change the world, we all have to stand together as one; united against oppression.

And that’s what I want to talk about today. Overcoming oppression, changing the world to be a better place for us all and getting off this damned power trip that’s going to kill us if it carries on…

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Because it’s true, it will. The scientists are clear (not that you have to believe everything they say, science isn’t art; although the lines are blurry in some aspects). But if we carry on doing what we’re doing, mother nature is going to slap us in the face. And we don’t want that. Because I’m telling you now, it’s gonna hurt. But hey, when your child goes to put it’s hand in a fire, you don’t care about hurting the child when you’re slapping it’s wrist and telling it not to do that, do you? No, you care about its safety and keeping it alive. As any good parent should. How you do that is up to you, slapping a child’s wrist is just one example – you could let it put its hand in the fire and burn its fingers. The result will be the same though, the child is gonna learn not to do it again, isn’t it?

What we need to realise is, as a human race; we’re at that point. Aren’t we? It’s getting a bit warm these days isn’t it? We’ve got our hand in the fire and we’re gonna burn our fingers, if we’re not careful. And I’m gonna level the playing field, I ain’t just talking about climate change. There’s a whole boatload of subjects you could apply this same philosophy too; LGBT rights, which affects me directly, is another one.

But I’m not here to start flying a pride flag and shouting “Love is Love”, that’s never been my scene. You see, I learnt the hard way that pride comes before a fall. And that one flipping hurt, let me tell you… No, I’m here to shout that we need to start looking at ways we can change, adapt, and grow beyond our current set of circumstances. Ways in which we can all work together to achieve a common goal – Survival. Survival and longevity of the species. Because that’s something that we all need to think about, because it concerns us all. And when you take a step back and look at what’s going on this rock, you’ll find we’re not doing that. We’re being a bit selfish, aren’t we? (Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin, Xi Ping? Come on boys, we all know you’ve got your own agenda and you think it’s all about you – Well I’m here to tell you that it flipping ain’t, mate). We all need to start working together; because picking up a gun don’t work. What other species on the planet kills their own without a good reason?

We’re all a part of the human race, and when we dropped down out of the trees and walked out of Africa, we diversified. We had to. We had to adapt to changing circumstances in different parts of the world. Look at it this way, the global ecosphere is made up of hundreds of different eco-bubbles all happily coexisting on the same rock. And we are the only dimorphic mammalian species that has managed to adapt to live in all of them. Africa, Asia, India, America… We’re everywhere. We’ve even developed machines that can get us through the harshest of conditions and round the globe in less time than it takes for it to do one full rotation. We should be proud. But what did I say earlier about pride coming before a fall???

Look, we might be at that top of the food chain (wow that’s arrogant of us) but we don’t own this rock, we are just lucky enough to live on it – We are the product of a random set of conditions in the universe that created life, and because of that, we sprang into being. And not only that, we were given the tools to grow, develop and maybe, one day, get off this rock and colonise somewhere else. Mother nature has a habit of spreading her seeds far and wide, to them the best possible chance at survival. And we need to appreciate that. Because she can take it away at any moment and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it. It is not up to us. And don’t say she won’t, because no one knows for sure and it’s an arrogant idiot who believes he does – No one knows what’s going on inside that ball of hot metal and gas that gives us life, we haven’t been there to see for ourselves. Yeah we’ve got telescopes but nothing is 100% accurate – Here’s an idea, when you get a minute swing James Webb around and have nosey through that? Hell, look at what it’s doing for the rest of the universe. I think you’ll find mother nature has got one over on us there. So it’s best to be careful, don’t you think?

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Look, I’m writing this from the perspective of someone who’s just been through the biggest life changing event that they’re ever going to through. That anyone would go through – Seeing life from one perspective, as part of one crowd. And then upping sticks, and defecting to the other side. There’s a lot of you that hate me. Go ahead, you think I care? (It’s called the subtle art of not giving a f… – Great book by Adam Morton, available on Amazon and well worth a read). But the way I see it, that’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it. Just as I’m entitled to mine. But you’re not entitled to suppress me, just as I’m not entitled to suppress you. The best way to deal with differences of opinion, is to lay all your cards on the table and find common ground. No one is saying it’s going to be easy, but step outside of your own head and see the situation for what it is, and you’ll find that common ground – As I said earlier, it’s not all about you; so stop being a selfish **** and listen. Do we need to bring back the child and the fire philosophy again? I can do, if you want.

We need to accept that we have to change and trust in the change process, in order to grow and learn a species. It’s the only way we’re not going to blow ourselves to smithereens. And let me make this point now, A.I. isn’t gonna help us; not in its current state. It’s out of control and it doesn’t reflect reality – Nothing on the internet does, I should know; I’ve had my head in front of a screen for 40 years – I’ve been watching what’s going on. Computers were developed as a tool and when you’ve finished working with a tool, you put it back in its box and you go & do something else. So why are we not treating computers that way? Oh I know, we’re addicted. Look at the InCel community and you’ll see what I mean.

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Psychology, philosophy and related disciplines have enabled us to develop processes that can, if applied globally, further humanity. But they’re not enough on their own. For example, Religion has taught us crowd control, Civilization has given us a framework that can make the world a better place and Politics has taught us management disciplines. Are you starting to get the picture here? Each individual human development has taught us something new, but it’s not enough on its own; it must be applied as a part of a bigger whole, and it must take its place within that larger ecosystem, even though it is, in effect, ecosystem in its own right. This is exactly what mother nature has done by giving us a planet we can live on and an environment in which we can flourish; but we should not abuse that environment, for without it… Well, let’s not talk about the alternatives.

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We, as humans, are in danger of burning our hands in the fire and those of us who are controlling the hand don’t seem to really care. It’s like a toddler who is not looking at what they are doing, they’re going to burn their fingers; or get them slapped by their mother. Look at the effects of COVID, the ecosystem started to heal because we were not abusing it. That was a warning.

I question whether we will get another one before things begin to collapse…

Much Love,

Vikki ❤️🧡💛💚💜 x

Morning gorgeous x

How are we all today? Good, I hope. And for those that are not, I stand with you and beside you – Whatever your beliefs (and whatever mine…).

I know that some of my articles can be polarising, both for and against me, my views and the groups of people I belong to. Some of that has been intentional, to incite debate, to get people talking, to make you think. There has been some of it, however, has been unwittingly unintentional; through lack of knowledge, or lack of forethought, or just sheer emotion as I was writing the piece. But I can honestly say that in all of it, hand on heart, there was never an intent to hurt anybody or drive people away.

I’ve learnt a great deal from writing this blog, over the five and a half years that I have done so. And I’ve learnt a great deal over the six years that I have been in transition – Yes, that long (although still relatively a short time; to some). And I’ve absorbed all of that knowledge as best I can, no matter how bitter a pill it was to swallow at the time.

But all of those lessons have come with a price tag; as any life lesson should. Some of those price tags have been easy on the moral and social purse, and others have nearly bankrupted me. Yet all have been paid and few on credit. Because I’ve always thought and, I’ll be honest, believe it was necessary to do so – Everything comes with a price in a capitalist society, so make sure you have your purse handy BEFORE you act; as if you can’t find it afterwards, you’re in a lot of trouble. But that’s capitalism for you.

Individuals, mavericks and rogues will always need larger bank accounts than those who form part of a group. The price tag for necessities will always be higher for those people, as collective bargaining reduces the cost; the expense in this case, is the “perfect fit”. When buying collectively, you tend to find that what you’re purchasing will never really fit your needs, but it will do the job you’re asking it to do. And you can always throw it away and buy another one at a later date, right?

Or can you?…

You see. When buying something in the physical sense, consumerism for want of a better word. The price tag is not what you see on the box, but how much waste the product will ultimately create; both during its use and at the end of its lifespan. However, when buying into a moral philosophy. The price tag is much higher. Those kinds of price tags can, ultimately, cost lives. And not just the lives of individuals, but the lives of whole sections of society. Applying capitalist policies to the moral compass can, and ultimately will, erase entire identities from existence; with complete disregard for what those identities contributed to society – They are waste ready for recycling. And yet to the individual, the cost can simply be a tick in a box.

I’m a member of several marginalised groups within society. I’m a fully paid up, card carrying member of those groups – I’ve earned my place within them and I’ve paid my price, in full. But I don’t always believe in the philosophies of the groups I belong to, because I’ve spent most of my life living in the majority and having the luxury of choice over what box I tick. However, events in my life have forced me to make choices that I’d rather not have made. That I didn’t feel the need to make, at the time. But there was a gun at my head, a pen in my hand and a finger tapping on the piece of paper – You must choose. And choose now.

So I did. And I’m happy with my choices, even if others are not. They were not their choices to make and they’ll never make me regret them. Why? Because I believe in the fundamental right to choose. And I also believe that said choice should never be forced. Because when you force something, you put a price tag on it and price tags should never be applied to moral compasses.

Because it’s not simply a tick in a box. You can kill people if you make the wrong choice. So choose wisely and stand up for your beliefs, because consumerism and capitalism are not the same thing. Although politicians would have you believe otherwise. The waste, is people’s lives, and they can’t be recycled…

Much love,

Vikki ❤️ x

Morning gorgeous x

How are you all today? Good, I hope? And staying safe in these difficult times of ours. Not just for my LGBT readers, but for all of you out there.

The world is a difficult place, and it can be very difficult to find your truth. Media frenzy on a number of subjects is creating panic on all sides, and the truth is being hidden in favour of rhetoric; pushing you to follow a particular narrative – It’s one side or the other, and there’s no in between. Black, or White, Left or Right, With or Without. Pick a side. You have to choose…

None of this is really necessary, however, but all of it is a product of change and uncertainty; it goes with the territory. “Follow Me, This is the Right Way!”, “Come Here, you cannot go wrong…”, “Why are you listening to them, it will only result in failure?” – When you boil it all down, these are the questions that are forced upon us all.

Most will find their answer quite quickly. They know what they want, or their indoctrination will not allow them to choose another path. For the majority, that is fine. The issue presented to them does not, yet, affect their daily lives; and so does not require much thought beyond an informal discussion over a warm drink. The right to choose is still firmly planted in their hands

But there are others. Those on the front line of the battles that the world is facing. For whom their very existence is at stake. Their daily lives are changed by the stroke of a pen, the closing of a door or a bullet from a gun. Their call to arms is now, and they must fight for their human rights or be erased from existence. The time for them is now, the bell is tolling.

I belong to one of those marginalised groups. More than one, as it happens. And my call to arms is already loud and clear in my ears. But I have not, yet, taken to the battleground. You do not hear me screaming the sirens of my brethren. My voice, is noticeably silent within the cacophony of those around me.

This is not because I don’t want to fight for my right to exist. Nor is it because I can’t fight. I can and I do. I also have one hell of a loud voice when my mouth is opened. I’m a fighter and a survivor. I know this BECAUSE I’m still alive. When the time comes for me to pick up my weapons and join the battle, I have the power to lead; not follow. And you’ll know I’m on the battlefield. You’ll see it from afar.

The reason for my silence? I don’t believe in everything my peers are fighting for. I don’t believe we can have everything they say they want. I believe that within every structured society there will always be gatekeepers and walled gardens. Because, I believe, there have to be protections for those within the gates of nirvana; as well as those on the outside. I believe that in a truly diverse society, there must always be a place for those to go, who want or need respite from the main hive – We’re human, not Star-Treks Borg. We all need a safe space to call our own, and where we can choose to invite those we trust. And there must always be rest from the wicked. Strength is not immutable and we all need space to recharge.

So, in all honesty, there’s a part of me that thinks they’ve gone too far; that they need to stop, rethink and regroup. Time is almost up and it’s nearly too late, the clock is ticking. We are a marginalised, polarising group of people set within a larger, marginalised group within society. And because of the polarisation that our group presents, we are an easy target for those looking to divide and conquer the larger group (LGBTQ+). The thought process is simple; target Trans people, divide the LGBT community, erase Trans people, systematically control and destroy the remaining groups. Targeted attacks never fail given the right tools… And there is one, key, simple, fact that makes it all possible; one which has been forgotten…

The best defence is an offence. And the political extremists are on the offensive. Both on the right AND the left.

Shall we refer to the famous text, “The Art of War”, written by Sun Tzu. The basic skill needed to win a war, is organisation. And when the balance of power is outside of your control, an organised attack is key to success. When you look at the political landscape that marginalised communities such as my own are living in, and apply the principles of Sun Tzu, you can clearly see where the lines are drawn and what ground has been gained and lost. You can also see how things need to change, in order to redress the balance. The war is not yet lost, but key stake holdings are crumbling.

In my view. And it is controversial, I freely admit. They didn’t appreciate the ground that was gained and enough time wasn’t given to cement that ground as each battle was won. They were always living on shaky ground, and you can’t fight a war when the ground underneath you is constantly moving.

We are not all equal. We are diverse. And to achieve diversity requires baselines. You can’t hold onto that diversity if you’re constantly trying to shift the baseline…

It’s time to rethink the battle we are facing and take a different perspective, in order to advance.

Much Love,

Vikki ❤️ x