Morning Gorgeous xx

How are you all today? I hope you’re all good? If not my thoughts are with you all…

One of the biggest problems I’m facing with my transition (and I suspect this is the case for most Trans people), is working out who you actually are. Who are you going to become and what type of person are you in reality? Remember that, typically, Dysphoria usually means you’re living inside a mirror-glass box. With the reason for the Dysphoria typically being what causes the mirrors to exist and take effect – you can’t see past them. Once your outside of that box though, the world is a completely different place. You soon learn that your reactions to the world around you, and it’s reaction to you, can be very surprising – Almost a shock, sometimes.

That’s what is happening to me at the moment – I’m trying to get back into the world of work, I’m trying to deal with the problems associated with not being in work and I’m trying to remove the barriers, from a long term perspective, so that I stay in work. And in a job that I enjoy and can sustain me.

So my employment adviser asked me to do a basic Meyers-Briggs analysis. He wanted to find out what my personality type was, and from that he can then understand what type of role within my chosen industry(s) that I should be doing. Well, I thought I need to help myself and resolve my issues, so I did the test. I wish I hadn’t, but I did the test. Here’s my results:

Yeah, thanks for that – Characteristics of more than one personality type, great.

The main issue here is the clash with Introversion over Extroversion. This one really does speak for itself, and it’s one I already knew about because I can be both, depending on how I feel. I kind of have this switch, you know, that I can turn on and off. And I can’t really identify what triggers it, but, it’ll flip me from Introvert to Extrovert and back again at a moments notice. Handy.

Yet there’s the other problem, which is not so obvious. There is a slightly less marginal preference for Thinking / Feeling (6%). My score is just outside the boundary for what would be considered marginal but not enough to indicate a strong preference – Hello!

I had an idea about this being an issue, but seeing it in black and white is a whole different ball game. You see; when I get bored, I start to think – In great detail. And when I’m not bored and have a lot to do; I’m usually an extrovert and I’m out there with the pack. So is boredom the trigger then? No, because too much to do and I’ll procrastinate; which will lead to boredom. I hate my life, it’s a vicious circle. This is a very Black & White personality trait as well, it’s either On or Off; no in-between. I’m either out there, or I’m in there – Period.

Anyone for either BiPolar Disorder or BPD? Been there, it’s not that. I am Autistic (Asperger Syndrome) if that helps.

To try to resolve the problem; I reverted to the thinking side of my personality, which I always do. And I read the profiles (from more than one site) for all four personality types which I thought might apply:

The four in Purple are the ones that apply to me. So put them together and I’m basically the Visionary Thinker who Inspires people through Ideology. Head in the clouds spring to mind? – Yeah, I get that. Sure as eggs are eggs (and not chickens) though; I have aspects of all four different types in my personality – Now we can go all Jung & Freudian here and say that we can all relate to all sixteen different types in some way, and I get that. But when all four do actually stand out as being you; there’s a problem – Especially when you clearly can’t relate to any of the others, it’s just not there…

How do I deal with this problem then? Well I’m relating this to work-based scenarios, so what kinds of jobs, broadly speaking, do these four personality types suit? So if you were going to choose a career SOLELY based on your Meyers-Briggs type, what would it be?

Well I’ll list the basic jobs for the four types that matter below:

• ENTP:- Attorney at Law, Psychologist, Entrepreneur, Photographer, Consultant, Engineer, Scientist, Actor, Sales Rep, Marketing Rep, Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst
• INTP:- Scientist, Physicist, Chemist, Photographer, Strategic Planner, Mathematician, University Professor, Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, Technical Writer, Engineer, Attorney, Judge, Forensic Research, Park Ranger, Mechanic
• ENFP:- Consultant, Psychologist, Entrepreneur, Actor, Teacher, Counsellor, Politician / Diplomat, Writer / Journalist, Television Reporter, Computer Programmer / Systems Analyst, Scientist, Engineer, Artist
• INFP:- Writers, Counsellors / Social Workers, Teachers / Professors, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Musicians, Clergy / Religious Workers

These are by no means an exhaustive list but I hope you get the type of jobs that should suit that person. It’s not always right but it’s a start.

Well several of these job types stood out to me immediately. And anyone who knows me well; will know what they are. For those that don’t, here’s another list (picking out those that are repeated from the four different personality types as they’re the ones that stood out):

• Consultant
• Engineer
• Computer Programmer
• Systems Analyst
• Writer / Journalist
• Psychologist / Counsellor
• Scientist
• Artist / Musician
• Teacher / Professor

See anything? Yeah, pick a job doing one of the above and it’s a pretty safe bet for me; based on what you’ve just read. However, if you know me well; you will have spotted something straightaway. If you don’t, then it might help you to know that I have worked in the IT & Technical Support / Customer Service industry’s for over 30 years, and my passions outside of that are usually in some way creative (Music & this blog for example). Oh, and I’m very active on Quora; the Q&A site, at the moment as well.

I do it to myself every time…

Now I don’t know how the Meyers-Briggs personality types were worked out. But I’d heard of the test before. And I knew there was sixteen different Meyers-Briggs types; but I’ve NEVER done a Meyers-Briggs myself before. EVER. No word of a lie here. It’s something the HR people want you to do, and something I’d actively tried to avoid. On top of that, if you seen my CV, you’d get what I’m trying to say straightaway. It’s like I just know, and do, but I haven’t got a clue what I know. It sucks ass.

In fact, you can see for yourself. As before I transitioned, I used to use a CV site known as NETCV to advertise myself – I’ve pointed many a recruiter in that direction as part of the application process. The profile is still up and I can’t take it down as it won’t let me in to remove it, so I gave up on it.

Go here: Net CV and see for yourself. Meanwhile I’ve still got to find a job…

Much Love,

Vikki xx

Evening gorgeous xx

Just a quick note (well in all honesty half of these posts should be quick notes but my writing technique sucks)… I’ve been asked to give a presentation on my life story. I have 15 minutes to tell it – that’s not going to be easy 😂.

But it’s something to focus on. And guess what I haven’t been doing a lot of recently…

Added to the list.

Vikki xx

Morning gorgeous XX

How are you all doing today? Good I hope. If not, my thoughts are with you.

So, as the title of this post says, I’ve been wallowing in self pity a lot recently. Not something I really enjoy doing, and an old habit that really needs to die out – It’s called burying your head in the sand. Hmm…

Right, OK. Probably time I stopped doing that then? Definitely. Well how do you do that then? Well first off, you stop focussing on one or two stupid things; to the exclusion of all others. And secondly, you get up off your arse and do something about it. Right.

Right.

That’s my focus for this morning…

Oh, by the way, there’s three posts behind this that I’ll get around to finishing, called “Old habits die hard, parts I to III”. They pretty much track how I got here, and how completely stupid I have been recently – whether or not I had a good reason for it. I’ll publish them when I get a chance to go back through them and make sure they make sense (because they don’t)

In any event. It’s 6:50 in the morning here. I’ve got to get up, I’ve got work to do…

Much love,

Vikki xx

Morning gorgeous xx

How are you all? OK? Good. I’m just posting a quick update to my last post “4am Again…”.

Read that post first, then read this:

https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2018/6/15/trans-women-and-cis-women-are-different-and-thats-ok

I cried again.

Much love,

Vikki xx

Morning gorgeous xx

It’s that time of the morning again! Dysphoria is rife and I’m crying my eyes out. Gotta love this time of the day. But do you know what though, this is probably when the best posts come out. The posts that really describe negative it feels like to be Trans.

Anyway, hope you lot are OK. I know I will be, with time and a bit of help. Which I will get one way or another, I just gotta work out how.

One of my biggest strengths is my ability to see both sides of an argument. And from that, form a balanced, non judgemental, answer to a problem. It’s something I pride myself on. In order to do that though, I have to completely put my side of an argument out of my head and see everything from the other side. Doing this bloody hurts. A lot. It brings emotions and feelings to the surface that can literally destroy me overnight, and then put me back together.

Well I’m finding myself having to do this a lot during my transition. Trying to see both the male AND the female side of an argument, in order to determine the correct one for me. It’s bloody difficult and, because I wasn’t brought up as a girl (which I hate), causes me a lot of pain when I dig into my past in order to see things differently when it comes to the subject of Males and Females.

I suppose it’s all a part of questioning yourself to make sure the path your following is the correct one for you. It’s what makes transitioning from Male to Female so difficult (I know Trans Men go through something similar but they’re gaining male privilege not giving it up, so it’s different). But that’s the issue isn’t it? The subject of Male Privilege? Why would a man want to become a woman less he was invading their territory for his own personal gain? Or as a way demoting females further until their very existence is under threat?

Yeah. Meet the TERFs. Or Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists. And my god have they got a lot to answer for. As far as they are concerned, you’re not Female unless you have XX chromosomes, were assigned female at birth, have a functioning uterus & ovarian gonads, and were brought up as a girl. Something no Trans Woman like myself can ever say. And my god do they let the Trans community know it.

But they’re only one source of negativity us Trans folk have to deal with. Another source is the Privileged Gay Male tribe (the original Gay Rights movement, believe it or not). Their attitude is borne from the sentiment of why would a man ever want to give up his privilege & become a woman; when all he need do is identify as gay, live as a man, but dress and act as a woman whenever it suits his sexual preference or entertainment scenario? MSMs as they are known (Men who have sex with Men)?

Do you know what. I get you all.

Every single one of you. I see where the TERFs get it from, where the MSMs get it from and why the straight males feel decurved when they realise the girl they are dating is in fact Trans?…

Victorian and Gregorian values – The British empire if you will. And the male privilege and right that came with it.

Men hold the door open for women, as they are seen as the weaker sex. Having children was seen as exclusively female and men would not avail themselves of such chatter, they were the breadwinners. Although the queen was seen as the top of the tree, she must be supported in her role by the leaders of the forces who protect & serve and were exclusively male, coming from the conservative Eton boys club; et. al.

Well this is 2018. Queen Victoria has passed away, although her legacy will never be forgotten. What must be remembered though is that Queen Victoria was a lot stronger a woman than history has made her out, and she didn’t NEED those men to run everything for her… She WANTED them to. They were HER servants.

She was tolerant of gays and MSMs. Lest it be kept behind closed doors or they dress as women. She was tolerant of Lesbians for similar teasons. And she GAVE the privilege to the men. Something which the TERFs clearly forget.

Male privilege is clearly not what today’s society thinks it is. And it’s been taken for granted for far too long. It’s time we change it to suit 2018, or get rid of it altogether. Only then will there be a better society for Trans people.

Much love,

Vikki xx