4am Again…

Morning gorgeous xx

It’s that time of the morning again! Dysphoria is rife and I’m crying my eyes out. Gotta love this time of the day. But do you know what though, this is probably when the best posts come out. The posts that really describe negative it feels like to be Trans.

Anyway, hope you lot are OK. I know I will be, with time and a bit of help. Which I will get one way or another, I just gotta work out how.

One of my biggest strengths is my ability to see both sides of an argument. And from that, form a balanced, non judgemental, answer to a problem. It’s something I pride myself on. In order to do that though, I have to completely put my side of an argument out of my head and see everything from the other side. Doing this bloody hurts. A lot. It brings emotions and feelings to the surface that can literally destroy me overnight, and then put me back together.

Well I’m finding myself having to do this a lot during my transition. Trying to see both the male AND the female side of an argument, in order to determine the correct one for me. It’s bloody difficult and, because I wasn’t brought up as a girl (which I hate), causes me a lot of pain when I dig into my past in order to see things differently when it comes to the subject of Males and Females.

I suppose it’s all a part of questioning yourself to make sure the path your following is the correct one for you. It’s what makes transitioning from Male to Female so difficult (I know Trans Men go through something similar but they’re gaining male privilege not giving it up, so it’s different). But that’s the issue isn’t it? The subject of Male Privilege? Why would a man want to become a woman less he was invading their territory for his own personal gain? Or as a way demoting females further until their very existence is under threat?

Yeah. Meet the TERFs. Or Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists. And my god have they got a lot to answer for. As far as they are concerned, you’re not Female unless you have XX chromosomes, were assigned female at birth, have a functioning uterus & ovarian gonads, and were brought up as a girl. Something no Trans Woman like myself can ever say. And my god do they let the Trans community know it.

But they’re only one source of negativity us Trans folk have to deal with. Another source is the Privileged Gay Male tribe (the original Gay Rights movement, believe it or not). Their attitude is borne from the sentiment of why would a man ever want to give up his privilege & become a woman; when all he need do is identify as gay, live as a man, but dress and act as a woman whenever it suits his sexual preference or entertainment scenario? MSMs as they are known (Men who have sex with Men)?

Do you know what. I get you all.

Every single one of you. I see where the TERFs get it from, where the MSMs get it from and why the straight males feel decurved when they realise the girl they are dating is in fact Trans?…

Victorian and Gregorian values – The British empire if you will. And the male privilege and right that came with it.

Men hold the door open for women, as they are seen as the weaker sex. Having children was seen as exclusively female and men would not avail themselves of such chatter, they were the breadwinners. Although the queen was seen as the top of the tree, she must be supported in her role by the leaders of the forces who protect & serve and were exclusively male, coming from the conservative Eton boys club; et. al.

Well this is 2018. Queen Victoria has passed away, although her legacy will never be forgotten. What must be remembered though is that Queen Victoria was a lot stronger a woman than history has made her out, and she didn’t NEED those men to run everything for her… She WANTED them to. They were HER servants.

She was tolerant of gays and MSMs. Lest it be kept behind closed doors or they dress as women. She was tolerant of Lesbians for similar teasons. And she GAVE the privilege to the men. Something which the TERFs clearly forget.

Male privilege is clearly not what today’s society thinks it is. And it’s been taken for granted for far too long. It’s time we change it to suit 2018, or get rid of it altogether. Only then will there be a better society for Trans people.

Much love,

Vikki xx

By Vikki Kinsella

My name is Vikki, and I’m a Transgender Female living and working in the UK.

I’ve started this blog purely as a way of writing down my thoughts and feelings, as I now start my journey through transition from living life as Male to becoming Female, and beyond. You see, I spent 45 years of my life living as, what is now known as, a cisgender Male - With almost no idea that I could even consider being Female, let alone consider corrective surgery. But I must admit I did have a tendency to THINK like a woman sometimes... But doesn't every Man think like a woman on occasion? Don't try and hide it boys, you know you do, lol...

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