Morning Gorgeous, how are you doing?…

That’s my standard greeting and I use it a lot, so please; don’t be offended – We are all gorgeous in our own unique way…

But anyway, I woke up this morning with a particular thought in my head. A re-occurring thought, and one I wanted to talk about. But to get it, I need to tell you a story about an event that happened to me very early on in my Transition. So bear with me, then once it’s done; I’ll go into more detail about why I needed to write today.

So, as with every Trans individual; you reach a point where you have to pick a name for yourself, of the opposite gender. Now for most people, your parents would do that. And until you’re a parent yourself, you don’t know how to do that. Luckily; I am, and I’m also one of the last generations that will do this with any frequency – It’s the norm for me, but it won’t be for you kids out there, you’ll have help. But I actually digress. We can revisit this later, it’s another interesting topic.

Sticking with the story. Once you’ve changed your name, you then have to tell everyone else about it. That process is the same whether you’re Trans, you don’t like your old name, you hate your parent’s, or whatever – just get on with it. In my case, I rent my property and I had to tell my landlord and letting agent (realtor for you US folks). That involved me going into their office (shop), dressed as Vikki, carrying the necessary documentation and signing paperwork. Off I went – Wasn’t a problem, not for me anyway. When I got the office / shop / store / whatever I calmly walked in and headed left to the rental section, and sat down in-front of one of the agents. I then began my explaining my position and pulling out the documentation. She was lovely, I like her, she handled it brilliantly and we got everything sorted out. Magic.

While this was happening, however. I noticed a group of people over on the retail side. One of whom turned out to be an elderly gentleman, in his sixties. He looked, for all intent, like your typical English farmer gent – Boots, Jeans, Check Shirt, Body-warmer waistcoat, Grey Hair, Balding; you know the type – read Beatrice Potter if you dont. He strides across the shop, full gusto, straight at me. He leans over me like I’m a subset of the human race and says in his loudest possible voice (which got my attention – definitely!), “Are you a Man or a Woman?” – How Fucking Rude!

Talk about putting me on the spot. Thanks mate.

Well, I had seconds to think of a response. Anything else and I was history, he was about to make mincemeat out of me and I knew it. But. Even I was surprised at what I did next, it still gets me now – hence why I write this. What I did, was I looked him square in the eye, laser beams from my face so he knew I was deadly serious, and said to him: “Both”. Period. Soft, unassuming voice, conversational. And didn’t say anything else, didn’t need to. That was it. Your turn.

I have never seen a man shrink to the size of a mouse so fast in all my life. He nearly fell over stepping backwards. Lost his balance completely. I can’t describe his face, it wasn’t shock, horror or any of that type of emotion – maybe surprise. I think it was confusion, and I confused the hell out of him. But I did it in style.

He ran out of the shop. I think he said something to the effect of “I’m Leaving”, but I didn’t catch it. I’d turned away and carried on. Not that I could, the whole shop was instantly apologetic for what happened and at which point I was fending them off. But it’s not their fault, it’s his ignorance that’s the problem. The man has a lesson to learn and some reading to do. The world is changing around him, best he at acknowledges that; if nothing else.

It’s made me think though, and this is why I’m writing the post.

It’s taken me an hour to describe an incident that was over in under 15 seconds. It was that quick. Why has it taken me so long, and why I am I still thinking about it 3 months on. Well I’ll tell you why, and it ties up my previous two posts nicely. You’ll also get my attitude and why I’m going to carry on writing.

I am Trans. I am transitioning my body to match the personality of the individual inside it. Most people don’t have that problem. They accept their body as it is because it matches who they perceive themselves to be. Your body is interface to the world around you. And to use terms from IT, for most it’s a PC running Windows. Everyone knows it, it works, and you accept that.

Well I’m a PC running Linux.

And there’s my next post. Right there.

Good Morning Gorgeous…

 

Vikki xx

 

Well. It’s been a very interesting day today – definitely kept me on my toes. Friends are very supportive of this blog, so I’m definitely going to sort it out and keep it up. But I’ve also had some very interesting conversations in the smoking shelter at work! I’ll try and recall most of it but I can’t guarantee the content will be accurate – or suitable for younger audiences! 😲 lol…

So, here in the UK, the media is having a whale of a time focussing on the Transgender community; and the issues we face. And it’s gathering pace.

I’ve noticed four specific media events since I came out and started to transition. Yet before, as much as I was aware of the Trans community through friends. I had no idea there was so much going on.

Specifically, it started late last year with a Television programme on BBC2 called “Being Transgender”. It was part of the Horizon series of factual documentaries that predominantly focus on Human Interest issues from around the globe. The issues vary wildly across a broad spectrum of topics, but the focus is very direct in getting to the heart of the issue.

When the program was shown, I was already aware I was trans and at the very beginning of my transition. Therefore I identified with being transgender, but not with the greater community at large. The people who the filmmakers chose were, to me, broadly eccentric. On the edge of the Trans community, as I thought, and were single mindedly focussed on one particular issue. They were also extremely defensive of being Trans. I could not understand why.

Next came Piers Morgan this year, and at the same time Celebrity Big Brother 2018. But I’ll deal with them separately.

Piers Morgan first. His first program in his new series focussing on the private lives of Television and Media Celebrities was with a Transgender Icon who I’ve previously had a lot of trouble even relating to. That person was Caitlyn Jenner. Her story is well known, so I won’t repeat. But I will say, that the interview was very candid and forthcoming. I relayed to some of her issues. Especially regarding having to hide – although I think I did a better job of it 😂

But I still couldn’t get her attitude. Damn, that attitude.

Anyway. Next was CBB2018 and I was introduced to India Willoughby. This is a woman I really thought I could identify with. And as I discovered more of her story, I can relate more to it. I get it. Either you know, or you don’t, you hide or you don’t. You get angry, sad, depressed. Panic, Anxiety. All related to body dysphoria (I won’t use gender for the specific reason that I’m talking in physical terms – the mental issues are another story).

India was normal. My age and had transitioned. Well done. Or so I thought.

As the series continued, it became ever more apparent that India also has an issue, an issue I need to work out; because I don’t have it. I’m, as we say, laid back and pragmatic. Almost lying down in my approach. To most things my attitude is get over it, sort it and move on. But it seems transgender women are not like that. Is that what I am to become?

A particular issue that India faces is the issue of sexuality. I mentioned in my previous post that you would never have known I was a Trans Woman. And talking to a friend, she advises that all she knew; was that I was a little effeminate in my life but she couldn’t work out why. That’s fine, I was a straight, cisgender male. So was India. She is now a straight transgender female. As will I be. Honestly, get over it.

I’ll tell you what, I’ll give her a hand. I read a series of books a few years back called “The Sex Gates”. They’re interesting reading when it comes to trans issues as the story line revolves around mysterious gates that appeared worldwide and they change the sex of anyone who goes through them. They were written by Darryl Bain about 12 years ago. Go find them.

They basically say, if you’re sexually straight in one body, you will be straight in another. The problem is getting used to the fact that you now have a different set of sex organs and your sexual feeling will be different. Your personality remains the same. It’s still you, just different. And maybe better.

My point is that trans people seem to have this attitude of expecting other people to see things that way, but they can’t see it themselves.

Get over it.

There’s no way a man is consciously getting near me while I have male equipment. But once I’m female, I’m going to want sex with a man. Period. That’s what my breakdown was all about. I had to work that out for myself first. No doubt when the time comes I’ll make sure I’m ready for it.

Anyway, I said there were four things in the media and I’ve only mentioned three. The fourth one is a Television series on BBC2 called “Transformation Street”. Watching the first programme in the series moved me to tears and is the reason I write this now.

Go watch it if you can and post a response.

I have to go, I need to go fire some arrows. Back soon.

Love,

Vikki