Morning gorgeous xx

Hope you’re all good today. The weather has been scorching here in the UK and, honestly, I feel like I’m turning into a salt and vinegar crisp. But that’s climate change for you, and we’re not here to discuss that here? Are we?

In all seriousness, I’m talking very directly as that is a consequence of the process I’m going through. The surgical one. Yes, dear reader; “Bottom Surgery” as it is known, is finally upon me. And about bloody time, it’s only been six years.

But it’s not without its complications.

Here’s a post that went up on my private Facebook recently. Have a read, and then I’ll explain it. As you know, I’ve never had anything to hide through this journey; but I can’t always say what I want to say, when I want to say it.

Morning Gorgeous ❤️ x

So, as you've all noticed (and don't tell me you haven't), I've been posting some royal **** recently. I wouldn't be surprised if a few of you didn't think I was a candidate for The Brooker Centre; for those who live close to me.

There's a genuine reason. And if you think about it, you know what it is. Take a moment to react to that; because I need your head clear for what comes next. Because there are complications. Those complications are mechanical and structural in nature and nobody should ever have to think of their own body as a piece of fxcking meat. Those complications are also going to affect the rest of my life, on a daily fxcking basis. And I've got to learn to live with them.

But that's not gonna stop me. Quite the opposite, I expect, in the long run.

There are those, some in my own family, who would beg the question; "Why go through it, then?" (and don't sit there and tell me they wouldn't because they've already said it to my face) - The answer is simple, I have to. It's a generational thing. I'm 50. And as I've always maintained, transition is a highly personal thing and it's different for everyone. Look at the Wachowskis (creators of The Matrix); they did not go through the same transition but they went through it together. The devil is in the detail, and most won't talk about the details publicly. I will, if I can

I'm not gonna post that detail here, I'll save it for the blog as that's its rightful home. This post will go there too. But I'm posting it here first because I feel I need to explain to people close to me, why I've been acting out of character recently; and why it's been quiet on the eastern front but bloody noisy over in the west.

Anyone who thinks about this, will know this is difficult for me; because there's always a 'but' - 'Yeah, you can have this, but' or 'yeah, you can have that, but' ... People wonder why I'm a commitment phobe?? I didn't put these fucking buts there, other people did. I worked around what I could but those that need to know didn't see that because they'd already turned away. So they didn't see the effort I had to put in to get past that. Hopefully this post reaches them, who knows...

My question to my version of the GOP, is "Why don't you all get over yourselves, for a change?" Because it does my fxcking head in. Yet again I'm going through something pretty much alone. Because that's what happens when life teaches you that the people who should be there, never are. Or are lying to you... (There are those that deserve that, and they know where I am if they want a fight - it's about time we had a talk on my terms, not theirs) Although that's another story for the blog.

My surgery is due at the end of August. The exact date, I will know within the next week and I'll post it here when I get it. 

Much love,

Vikki x

Ultimately, what that post says is; I’m going in for surgery. And it’s not as straightforward as it should be, and I’ve got very little help to get through it (lots of verbal support, but most friends don’t live close enough to help me day to day and family are nonexistent) – I cannot thank the small group of friends who are helping, enough 🙂 This is gonna be tough.

But any reader who’s been here since the beginning will know, I like a challenge…

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Also, and this is very strange, but chillingly accurate; is my astrological pattern for the year. (If you’re not a big believer, honestly neither am I and you’re welcome to stop reading now). But it goes on A LOT about healing and a big phrase that’s been used a lot, since I discovered this, is “Healer, Heal Thyself”.

All of this relates to something called a Chron Return, that only happens once in most people’s lifetimes (around age 50)? I’m still discovering this but everything surrounding it, all the events and the timing, match up with an event in the sky. It’s almost like the stars are aligning and this is supposed to happen now – For a reason which is beyond me. Now, I could go off on a tangent here, but I’m too much of a realist at heart. I have read astrology and some of the esoteric arts in the past, but my decision back then was to keep it real and I’m trying to do that now.

In any event, clearly, time has come and stars are finally aligning. For me, the goal is in sight and I’ve got a clear shot at the target. I’m going to take it.

My advice to you, dear readers, is find your target. Never lose sight of it. And if you get the chance to take that shit at it? Make sure you don’t miss…

Much Love,

Vikki xx

Morning Gorgeous ❤️ xx

Blah, blah, fxcking blah (lol). Welcome to the world of a Transgender Woman in her 50’s, in 2023. What a flipping nightmare that she has to contend with! And I’ll be fair, not much of it is real. And here’s why.

I’m gonna be straight with you all. I’m gonna lay my story down in simple terms. This is how I remember it. There’s discrepancies, but I can’t help those. Here it is…

I don’t remember my childhood. Not before I was 10. I have no recollection of it, at all. Can’t remember a thing. But what I can say is, what I was told is wrong. I know this from my medical records. They don’t match what I was told, at all. I didn’t have epilepsy, I wasn’t ill, this is not me believing I am something I’m not.

I suffered with Encephalitis when I was four years old. It was rare and shocking. But it wasn’t a big deal. And should never have been. But it was made out to be. And I paid that price in blood, sweat and a fucking lot of tears.

My brother told the world I wasn’t well, although I wish he never had. Because the pain that those words wrought upon me, brought with it events that I wasn’t ready to handle (in fact, no one at that age was). But how was he to know. All he did was open his mouth and use words that he thought was making light of the situation – But it didn’t, not for me. It made things worse. It brought more heartache and pain. It brought pain that no 10 year old child should never go through.

That pain was covered up by the adults responsible for my care. Because they knew what happened was wrong. They knew that in another time, another place, another situation, those events would have been dealt with very differently. And would have caused controversy on a public level. Which they didn’t want, or need. They had their own issues to deal with, and mine was not one of them.

So I was left to deal with what happened alone. I was forced to internalise criminal events against me, which should have been dealt with through the legal system. But we’re covered up and hidden, in order to save face and keep the status quo. I had to be an adult, at 10 years old. I had to grow up much, much, much quicker than I was expected to. Which had an impact on my life that resonates to this day.

Beyond that, my real personality was hidden from the world. I could never be me. I could never be who I wanted to be. I had to be who I was expected to be, based on a generation I never understood. I had to live someone else’s life.

Never allowed to live my own.

And now. Now that I can be me. It’s almost too late. The world has changed. It’s surpassed who I thought I could be and moved beyond that. It’s something else. Other people control what I am, and who I am. And that doesn’t fit with my philosophy. I don’t fit in a world which never meant to be for me. I’m an outcast. A sporadic mutation that needs clipping from the branches of society and removing from the general evolutionary path.

But that’s what my life has become. An eccentricity that needs to be ridiculed and mocked. To be ignored.

Words should be enough to keep me within the walled garden of hypocrisy. To put me in my place. To ensure that I never flourish and grow to be the individual that I am meant to become. To keep me quiet. To hold back the power of my voice. To diffuse the light from shining bright.

Because when that does. It exposes the shadows of those who should have been integral to my development. It illuminates the failings of those who were meant to keep me from harm. It demonises those who were supposed to be the angels of my developmental path.

But that’s not their fault. How were they to know that my mind was as brilliant as it was? How were they to know, that given the right situation I could’ve changed the world and been recognised for my achievements? How were they to know that I was going to be so far ahead of my time?

They didn’t. They couldn’t. And they were never supposed to know. It wasn’t their right. But they failed me. All of them. And everything they have done since then, has been to appease their own ego’s. To make them feel better. To humanise their failings.

It’s been about them. Not about me. Which, as it happens, is the story of my life. And brings me nicely to one of my favourite sayings… “It’s not about you”…

Because it isn’t. But it’s not about me either. It’s about all of us as a collective. Nine fucking billion people, sat on a rock, orbiting a burning mass of hydrogen. And trying as hard as we fucking can to get off it before it explodes in our face.

That’s what it’s about. Not you, not them, not me. Just it. The now. The here and now.

The present. And by the fuck we need to sort it out before we blow ourselves into oblivion!

Which isn’t far away at this rate…

Trust me, it isn’t. Technology cannot save us. It can only aid our path off this  degenerate rock if we learn to use it wisely. Which, so far, we haven’t done. We waste our time burning the chemicals we need to get out of here and infighting about who is right or wrong. instead of developing new ways of using what we have and collaborating on new developments, that may help us explore further afield than we have ever known possible.

Instead, we beat the shit out of each other because we think our word is better than those who oppose us. We believe in religion and not the future. We only care about now and we don’t give a fuck about what comes next. We believe we are right, when we are wrong! And we know we are wrong, because we see it in the news everyday. You only have to look, to realise how fat it has become.

We need to stop, take a step back and realise what we need to do next. Otherwise we will blow ourselves to fucking smithereens. And, to be fair, if we carry on down this path it will be no great loss. Evolution and nature won’t give a fuck, just as we don’t right now. We think we do. Why would we not. But we don’t, because it shows in the state of the world right now. We’re fucked if we carry on the way we are, but only 1% of us really gives a fuck about that and that’s not enough.

The world needs to change, now. Before it’s too late…

For us all.

Vikki ❤️ x

Morning goreous 🙂 x

How are we all today? Are we good? I hope so, I only ever wnt the best for peopleeven though I know that’s not always possible. But remember, there is always a negative to a positive and a positive to a negative. Just just have to look at it differently to find it…

So, what’s the meaning of the post today? What’s going round in Vikki’s head? What’s bouncing off the walls and causing a problem that she can’t solve, and needs to be written down? I’ll tell you. And I’ll tell you in one word. But remember, as soon as I say the word, it will invoke a response. And just like me, it’ll be positive or negative, polarising. There’s no middle ground here. So shall I just say it and get it over with? Hell yeah, here it is…

Tetris.

You know it, don’t you. Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of it, because I call bullshit if you do. EVERYONE knows Tetris. Everyone in the developed world, anyway. And a good sixty fecking percent of you have played it – Don’t tell me you haven’t, don’t lie to me. Everyone has. If you live in an environment developed enough to read this and you’ve lived in that environment for five years or more; you’ve met Tetris. Its been around a while, lets be honest – Forty years next year, believe it or not.

Oh, isn’t that how long you’ve been into technology, Vikki? Yeah, about that. Give or take a year or two, lol…

OK, what’s going down?

It’s easy. They released a film of it’s inception and how it came to be. And it’s a class piece of Hollywood storytelling, let me tell you. Worth a watch. I call bullshit on some of it (read the wikipedia page here), but there is no doubt that this film is steeped in technological history – Tetris changed the fucking world, it’s THE most addictive computer game on the planet. Polarisingly addictive; you love it or hate it. And if you hate it, you walk away there and then. With good reason.

OK Vik, it’s clear you’re triggered. Why? What’s going down? Come on girl, get a grip.

No. Not yet. I got things I need to say. This has brought back memories from 35 years ago. Why now? What the fuck is going on? All of a sudden, I learn not to give a fuck about the things that don’t matter, and I bounce the things that have caused me problems recently (with positive effects), and this smashes me in the face. Dropping me right back in the time when all of this started. My teenage years. Talk about things coming full circle. Talk about shit going round in circles! Have I tread water all that time and never moved? What the fuck?!

If this is a mid-life crisis at 50? My head hurts.

OK, look. Let me take you back. Let me go back into the mind of that confused teenager. Struggling with the changes, both internal & external, and the challenges of losing your childhood & becoming an adult. The expectations placed upon you by society, which you’re not ready for. And the lack of skills that you have to deal with those expectations, because you don’t know the truth of who you are. You just know you’re different, somehow, and you cn’t explain why. You don’t have the words.

Fuck.

Now it’s easy to blame the parent’s. Hell, growing up in the 1980’s was frigging hard – We were the Latchkey Generation (Generation X, for those more informed). Our parents were subject to a fundamental shift in reality that still affects life today. Yeah, every generation of western society has it’s own problems; that’s an issue with western society – What long-term structure is in place, in order to keep us from imploding? (I highlighed this in my last post). But the uniqueness of my generation exists within the family structure, it sits at the core of family life. We were the first generation of kids that didn’t have a parent at home 24 by 7. We had to do it ourselves, we had no fucking choice. Dad was at work (expected, perfectly fine) and so was mum (What the fuck?). Who tends to the nest? Who looks after the kids if Mum is out there doing Dads job? And Dad is out there doing his job too? No-one, that’s who. And we wonder why western society (particulry in the UK and the USA) is fucked. Speaks for itself, doesn’t it. Every other society on this planet puts the family unit atthe heart of it’s infrastructure. We don’t. And we’re ahead of the curve? Bullshit. Things need to change.

Alright Vik, rant over. How does Tetris fit into all of this?

That’s easy. Tetris drew me into computers and gave me something to concentrate on. When I needed it most. It was my way out. It was the available sand, I needed, for me to plough my head into; that helped me deal with the problems I was facing. And don’t call bullshit on me; don’t turn into a shrink, I’ve been to enough of them. I was struggling wth an identity crisis that no one knew about and I had no one to tell. And a part of that crisis involved an event that nobody cared about and everybody needed to care about. Because it was life changing. My life was never the same again and my childhood was ripped away from me, by people who had no fucking right to do that. In fact, they were still kids themselves (in age, anyway) – Holy fuck!

Look. It was 1983 when my life changed. Tetris came out in 1984. I discovered it in 1985, three years before Mirrorsoft released it. In fact I remember hating the Mirrorsoft version, because I didn’t feel it was true to the original; which I was already addicted to (My shrink told me that in 1987, by the way). All of these years were my teenage years. Those ame years when, if I wasn’t playing on a computer or in school trying to deal with 1980’s social structure, I was lying in bed at night wondering why I foud it more pleasureable to have a foreign object stuck inside me rather than playing with my own penis and ejaculating, like every other teenage boy at time – Why were my orgasms caused by external stimuli rather than internal gratification, when I’d been taught (by my brother) that Male orgasms are caused by internal gratification.

Do you now see why Gender Dysphoria is a Psychosexual Disorder of Sexual Development? I do. And every other Trans Woman I’ve talked to (when I can talk to them on that level, not mny let you go there; with good reason) has the same problem. Sexually, were different. I knew it. And I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, because there was no one to talk to. So I buried my head in computers and Tetris got me addicted.

That was my teenage years, and that’s why I’m triggered. And that’s why I wrote this post. Trans people are different, and that needs to be applauded, not destroyed – We have it much fucking harder than you do, apprecite and respect that. Don’t criminalise it. Please?

Much, much, much love,

Vikki x

Morning Gorgeous xxx

How are we all today? I hope everyone is well, in these turbulent times of ours and I hope everyone is staying safe. There’s a lot going on out there and there are some very real, existential, threats to our very existence. These threats cannot be taken lightly and yet daily life must still go on, regardless of how you and I react. Please always try to stay safe wharever you are.

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So, a couple of posts back, I wrote that I was fed up wih the world at large and that I couldn’t see the point in carrying on. And I know that upset some people, but, as always with me, I do the right thing for me at the time; everyone has to. Look at it this way; everyday, every moment of our lives, is a choice. A choice to do the right thing or the wrong thing. And the more choices we make, the more we can learn from them; to make better choices, or to reinforce those good choices, next time. That’s what life is all about – Learning to make the right choices, for you and those that matter to you.

The problem is, so many friggin’ people forget that; it makes my ears burn and my eyes water – Producing a lot of unnecessary steam that I don’t need around me. And I could do without right now. The exact reason for me writing this post, oddly enough. I don’t want the steam around my ears and I couldn’t give a f*ck about it. It needs to go, to clear the air.

You see, I have some news for you folks and I’ve thought long & hard about sharing this. As it’s personal. But it is very much related to my transition and very much has a place on this blog. So, with the concept of the blog (helping others through transition) I’ve decided to share it. And here it is… My time has come, my number is up, the day of reckoning will soon arrive. The final switch will be flipped… Quite literally as that flipping thing swinging between my legs is about to get it’s marching orders! My gender corrective surgery is upon me. (Or, to appease the Anti-Trans Lobby; and to hell lets be extremist about this, my personal bodily mutilation is about to take place) The Day of the D*cks Reckoning has dawned!

Let me tell you, I personally, am very happy about this; because it’s going to resolve a genuie, long-standing problem that I’ve had all my life – Which is, what the f*ck is it thing doing there in the first place?! I’m a girl, why have I been given this thing to deal with, and all the fucked up mental health that goes with it?? (Sorry guys, I’ve never understood Male thinking and Misogyny, and I’ve seen it inside my own head; first hand – Hell I even practiced it for a while!) But the truth be told, my affinity, all my life, has been towards women. I’ve always felt more comfortable in the presence of women and I’ve always felt more accepted by women. I’ve always felt like I m one. Even though I’ve been forced to live as a man, all my life (hell I have the body of one) and have been through enough therapy to try to get me to think like one, for most of my life. If you think about it, ithat explains why I write like one!?

This has not come without it it’s problems, I assure you. Life has been very difficult for me behind the scenes, as I have explained in previous posts. It’s not easy living a lie, it fucks up every relationship you will ever have, and that’s just the start. Look, when I was a kid, I was shunned by my peers. They knew I was different, I knew I was different but nobody knew why. And it was a long f*cking time before anyone would know the truth. But I couldn’t get away from the fact that I always had that problem… Down there. The big D. The petrol pump, when I should be running on Diesel. Or, in the context of my life, that dirty f*cking secret that, unless your lucky enough to be brought up in an environment where your needs are prioritised (f*ck the nuclear family, that’s a load of bollocks), you’ll never solve until you’re most of the way to aulthood, or later. Much later in my case.

So I went through puberty discovering things about myself that didn’t make sense and having no one around to talk to about it. Hell, I’ve discussed all this previously, read the damn blog, it’s what it’s here for. But the point is, Trans people are much better at dealing with everyday problems than most people because we give less of a f*ck about them. We have to. And I think there’s a lot of jealousy regarding that, especially from the Karen community – That lot need to learn a lesson I learn’t, when I first transitioned…

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.”

Someone I Used to know…

It’s very true. And something we, as trans people learn VERY quickly. And while I’m at it – Transphobes? I fucking hear you. You don’t need to shout at me. I know the problems, on both sides of the coin, and I am fully aware of them. The long and the short of it is, however, is that it’s not your problem to give a f*ck about unless it personally affects you; which, most of the time, it doesn’t – Deal with your fears internally, don’t project them onto us. We’ve got our own shit to give a f*k about.

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Trans people are demonised or infantalised because we’re different. And because were different, we have to deal with everyday issues in a very different way; it’s not a choice. And this inevitably causes some friction, somewhere. But the bottom line is, we have to do this is because, somewhere along the line, you didn’t accept us for who we are. You didn’t give a f*ck about us. We weren’t important. Your priorities and needs came first; which is understandable from your point of view And to set the record straight, I don’t mean you personally; hell, if you took that statement personally, you need a shrink sunshine. Because another one of my favourite sayings, is; “It’s not about you” – And most of the time it isn’t, because you’ll know when it is. As we find out when you project your phobia onto us

Now, in difference, comes diversity. And this is where I swing my viewpoint back across the table; and I will very likely upset part of the Trans community here. (Whatever. I don’t give a f*ck, read the title of the post) Diversity creates problems. Because the more boxes you have to put something in, the harder it is to put something in those boxes. Think about that for a minute. You’re prepping to move house. You don’t have 100 boxes for each room, you have 100 bigger boxes in total and you split them into 20 for each room. Why? It’s easier to pack. Isn’t it?

Look, wether you like it or not, every society out there puts people in boxes; it has to in order to create organisational structure, rules and uniformiy. In order to survive and to grow. Of course there can be fluididty, there has to be. That’s what greases the wheels and keeps things running. Without fluidity and movement between those structures, everything will grind to a halt. Social structure keeps things upright – Think of it this way, what the f*ck would you do without a skeleton? Bag of water…

Oh, and yes, before you start; I do understand the difference between Sex and Gender – My Gender is very much Binary, and that would be a Woman. Although if you’ve read my blog, you’ll realise I do not exclude Non-Binary peope; everyone has a valid identity and that must be appreciated and respected. But we’re not in the bloodstream of society here, we’re dealing with the skeleton. And I just see a very, very real need to simplify what makes up that skeleton, along with a very real need to include the right components necessary to build a strong skeleton. Don’t try to engage me on this if you’re not prepared to see things from that viewpoint. I see yours, I just feel I see the problems you don’t. And that viewpoint comes with the benefit of a lot of life experience, in a lot of damaging situations and a lot of self-help & therapy in order to find ways to deal with it all. And (this could be seen as confrontational – Hell the whole post is confrontational, to a point) I’ve shot down enough people to know. Let me be clear, I don’t give a f*ck.

So, let me say to you. And believe this, genuinely, it’s true. Be as diverse as you like, be true to you, be your authentic self; I applaud every one of you out there that’s trailblazing, you are worth every ounce of who you are and what you do. But remember, for things to hold up and for you to win, you have to fit into a box at some point. Society as we know it and it’s future evolution, depends on it. We will not advance if we are constantly attacking our foundations, we will only advance if we build on them. As a society as a whole. Jenga is a great game, until you remove that one block that holds everything else up. What happens then?

Look, I hear there are over 200 genders and counting. Seriously, thats waaaay too many. Simplify. It’s easier for everyone. When you look at an issue from a simpler viewpoint and remove the unnecessary complexities of it, it becomes easier to solve. There will alays be a need for those complexities to exist, they’re just not always necessary to find a solution. Consider them, be aware there will be artifacts once a solution is found. And know that you can always include those artifacts at the end of the process but don’t get bogged down in detail when trying to find a broad solution, for all. Hell, it’s not about how many boxes you have, it’s about how you pack them!

Listen, as I see it, if we as Trans people can present a unified face to the rest of the, world that is easier for them to understand; regardless of whats going on inside the Trans community, would it not be easier for the rest of the world to accept? If we realise that there are things we will never be able to do because of WHAT we are, and accept those limitations, like the rest of the word has, would it not then be easier for the rest of the world to accept WHO we are? Can anyone see a reason why that would not be possible? If we can reach that point, they may even give us our own space to get on with things and do as we see fit. Hell, they may even support it’s development…

But this is all just a thought, in the mind of one progressive Trans Woman. And tomorrow is another day. Another choice.

Much Love to you all,

Vikki x

Morning gorgeous 🥰😘❤️ xx

How are we all today? Good I hope? Stayong safe and well in these difficult times that we live in. I do hope so. And if not, my heart goes out to you and I wish for better tidings soon. We can all get caught up in things that we have no control over, and when we so we must do our best to get through it without incident in as best a way we can. I feel you, and I love you all as you are ❤️💛💚💙💜 xx

Ok, so, what’s the post about today? What’s the issue that needs to be written and closed off? Well, that’s easy. It’s one we all have to deal with as adults and one that needs t he talked about more openly; as it’s natural and a part of being human…

What is it? It’s simple. Sex. The nature of our existence, the reason we exist. Sex. The ability to reproduce. How we reproduce. WHY we reproduce. And, more importantly, the fact that we, as mammals, are one of the few mammalian species that do it for fun. And the fact that we can.

And more importantly, what that means for Trans individuals… Once we’ve transitioned, we’re not doing it to reproduce now, are we?…

Look at it from my perspective. I was born with fully functioning male genitalia. I was given the ability to produce sperm and that sperm, once fused with an egg, inside a mammalian human female, produced offspring and allowed for the continuation of our species. Great. Wonderful. But. I was also given the ability to do that as and when I pleased. And I was given the ability to enjoy it, so that I could go on doing that as and when I pleased. And I was also given the genetic ability to pair off with a mate and produce & rear offspring. Anthropologically there is nothing wrong with that, and it is correct and right. All good. No issues…

But. And it’s a big but. Somewhere along the line things didn’t go according to plan for me. Something went wrong. There is an incongruence between what my mind sees and what my body is – And never the twain shall meet. (I know, I’ve spent 50 years trying to sort it out). The problem is, no matter what I do, nothing until now has worked. There is only one way forward – To change my body to match my mind. Trust me, the mind isn’t going to be changed. Conversion therapy won’t work on me, no sir/ma’am.This head knows. There is only one way forward. Surgery. We live in the 21st century. Look around you. In the world we live in, there is only one other option and do you really think im going in a box without exploring EVERY avenue first? No. Not in my lifetime.

So what’s that got to do with sex? Well, come on? Do I have spell it out? I have the wrong equipment for the situation my mind tells me I should be in. I want a man. And when a man goes to take me, as a good man should, where (logistically) is he going to put it when the job needs to be done? I’ll tell you what, I’ll just cut a hole down there for him to put it in, OK? Yeah, great. Give me a knife .. Job done. You see the problem? It can’t go where there’s nowhere for it to go, can it? And Trans Men have the opposite problem, they have a hole where there should be a castle. And they know they should have a Castle – In fact, they can have mine if they want, if it were quite that simple; but it’s not. When you’ve got the wrong equipment, and your mind won’t be changed, your fucked. Sort of…

Thankfully, this is the 21st Century, and modern technology and science has come a long way. And with that we, as Trans individuals, have options that were previously unavailable to us. There is a future, if the rest of the human race can take a step back and allow us to have it. There are things that can be done to help us. And we should be allowed that choice. Everyone else on this planet had choices, why should we be denied ours? Most of us are just trying to get on with our lives, so it’s not hard, is it?

But let me put it another way, and allow me to bring it back to my situation. My mind will not rest until I have had a man take me, sexually, as he would another woman. Because, no matter what my appearance, I AM a woman. And I was born this way. Irrespective of what the doctor told my mother what I was when I popped out of her Vagina.

No matter how hard you try to convince me otherwise, I’ve always known that having a Penis between my legs was a cruel trick of mother nature. And I spent 45 years convincing myself, never mind you lot, that you were right and I was wrong. Well let me tell you, it doesn’t work like that. And there comes a point where I must be right. And I will, and have, proved that to myself. And the doctors agree with me.

The dick is coming off. And in its place will be a Neovagina. And once I have that, and the healing process is complete, I will find a man who is willing to take me as the woman I am (fuck me like his bitch, if you really want me to put it crudely; not that I like saying it that way but it gets the point across).

I am a woman. I was born this way. I feel Trans. I am Trans. I am me. Vikki. And I look forward to a more peaceful future as the woman I was always meant to be.

I am woman. I am me.

Much love,

Vikki xx