Morning Gorgeous xx

How are you all doing to day? Is life good? I hope so – If it’s not, I may have to slap you with a wet fish. Hmmm. Nah, moving on.

So I’ve got a problem. Life is moving on a bit, thing are progressing and not all in the way I want them to, but they’re progressing none-the-less. And I had a brilliant idea of what I wanted to talk about today… But I can’t talk about it. I mean, I can and I should. I should REALLY focus on a topic and talk about that; clearing that issue out of my head. But I’m not going to do that and I can’t do anything about it.

So why not? Do you ask. When I get on my soapbox I can make it the most entertaining conversation you’ve had that week. (I do love myself – not). And the feedback I’m getting from this blog is nothing short of astounding – I should have done this years ago. But I don’t know why I don’t want to, I’ve literally linked my fingers to my subconscious and switched the connection on. I have NO IDEA what my fingers are going to write, and by the time it’s finished; neither will you.

I mean, the day started early and I had start work at 8am because I had a counselling appointment at 10:30.  The counselling has been organised through work in order to deal with the issues that are happening in work… But why have I got to organise counselling to deal with the fact that work are basically discriminating against me; because other colleagues can’t handle the fact that I always was a woman and I didn’t tell them – I didn’t know either you daft bats, deal with it. I mean, you’ve had the same amount of time as me and I’m the only one who seems to be doing anything about it. Not one of these women has actually made the effort to talk to me in the last six weeks. So they STILL don’t know me. And yet that was their complaint. Retards.

But the interesting thing that came out of counselling; was that I should basically calm down and deal with it. There’s not point in being a hot-head, it isn’t going to get you anywhere. Ans she, my counsellor,  was bloody right. No seriously, she’s right, flipping your lid won’t work and I see that; people won’t deal with other people if they’re not rational. And it’s actually advice I give every, single, day. It’s something I’ve been heavily trained to deal with – Irrational people. But the upshot of all this is, that I’m fecking good at it and I instantly knew what she was saying – I nearly cried.

I could also tell you some very interesting and funny stories and I may do in a later post – who knows.

On the other hand though, now I’m the irrational one. And I don’t get it! I mean this issue of privacy on the toilet, using a single sex facility and the equality surrounding their use cuts pretty deep – We all need privacy when we’re doing a number two, correct? – But I’ve lost it over this (almost). I get that I’m fully in favour of fighting for the underdog, and I’ve got sharp claws. But I’ve never been the underdog though, not to this extent. I mean, shit, this is flaming insanity. And I just can’t make sense of it.

So in the background, I’ve been blubbering away on my own way of dealing with this. And something is starting to happen. I can’t say what at the moment, I’ll jeopardise the outcome – and I’m not letting that happen. But it is pretty drastic, probably seen as irrational. I just don’t know what hell else I can do.

Here’s the picture as it was explained to me (yeah this is my words though). Basically, I was advised that me being irrational is going against me. Why would these women want to share a toilet with another irrational woman? Who isn’t physically a woman – yet. What the feck do they think I’m going to do? I don’t have male hormones running around my body anymore; so my driving force isn’t the dangly appendage between my legs. I mean, if I have it cut off now; I would.

I’ve always maintained that if they talk to me, I’ll be fine with them. And that is true, I would rather talk an issue through first. Lover not a fighter. And the only other person (apart from my manager) who I’ve really lost it with over this, was the office manager, and that got the right result. But I shouldn’t have been put in that position in the first place. I should have been offered an alternative, female, facility – not a disabled one that carried a contentious privacy issue along with it. As the disabled facility was my idea for a SHORT period of time, to be advised – with no alternative – that I must continue to use that facility because other people don’t like me using the one I’m supposed to, is discrimination isn’t it?

No you can’t because people don’t like it.

Get it?

Well It’ll be April 1st before I can use that facility, and I have to have counselling to deal with my issues of privacy and the resulting anger; in order to sort this out. I’m going to need fecking counselling when they tell me I can use it as I’ll be scared out of my mind something is going to happen when I’m in there. I’ll have been walking around that building for 4 months before I can use the correct toilet – that’s DRACONIAN! There’s a law against that now! And I really don’t think the others have been for counselling, I don’t know if I’m honest, but the dirty looks I get suggest they haven’t. I’m damn sure a counsellor would have told them to talk to me at some point – you only get a limited number of sessions, so they hit it head on. And THATS part of the process isn’t it? Dealing with the issue. Jesus, that’s why I’m here. Writing this blog!

I’d like to talk to these people but there’s two problems with that now. One, I don’t know who they are – they’re hiding behind management, still. And Two, the chance may never arise; especially with the line I’m taking and speed with which it’s progressing. I may end up having to go VERY quiet on this for a long time.

Damn this issue is doing my head in – I got on my soapbox again!

Ah feck it, just post it.





By Vikki Kinsella

My name is Vikki, and I’m a Transgender Female living and working in the UK.

I’ve started this blog purely as a way of writing down my thoughts and feelings, as I now start my journey through transition from living life as Male to becoming Female, and beyond. You see, I spent 45 years of my life living as, what is now known as, a cisgender Male - With almost no idea that I could even consider being Female, let alone consider corrective surgery. But I must admit I did have a tendency to THINK like a woman sometimes... But doesn't every Man think like a woman on occasion? Don't try and hide it boys, you know you do, lol...

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