Morning Gorgeous xx
How are you all this week? You good? Hope so… To be honest, I hope you all like reading ths blog, as much as I do writing it. It’s very therapeutic for me; as these are my raw thoughts, literally what’s going on inside my head, but it can be very difficult to write sometimes. It’s really difficult to organise my thoughts and get every thing down on paper.
For example, there’s been a few interesting developments since my last post, but do I write them all down in one post? Or write a separate post about each one? In the background I have eight unfinished posts and two full pages that I need to write, but I’m struggling with motivation – I’m procrastinating a lot. There’s a lot going on, there’s a lot to sort out – and I don’t even know where to start.
My usual advice to anyone in this situation woul be to start at the beginning, organise everything into a timeline and work from there. Sounds easy right? Problem is I can’t do it myself, something stops me every single time and I end up making excuses to myself; and everyone else. At the moment I’m holding my head in my hands and screaming ‘Why! Why me?!’. The reason, why do I have to be like this and why can’t I chamge? What stops me?
I know I can do this, I’ve done tougher before – I’ve survived an awful lot to get to where I am. I know I have to make this change and I am doing, It’ll be a year since I was diagnosed in September. Yet I’m still struggling.
I’m thinking to myself at the moment; ‘What am I struggling with?’. Is it my identity? Honestly, I don’t think so. Because when I manage to dress myself (it takes a while, lol) and go out the door, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Is it my appearance to the world? Partly, yes. But it’s not my problem; it’s how other people see me, and the difficulties of aligning that with how I feel. Or is it life? Again, partly. My organisational skills leave a lot to be desired, I procrastinate and there’s an absolute mountain of tasks to do and problems I need to face. On top of all of that, my mental health really doesn’t help and my attitude sucks towards it sometimes – I do wonder if I’m Bipolar or have ADHD alongside everything else.
But am I just avoiding the issue? My next few posts, which will explain the events of the past week, may go some way to explaining that – one event in particular will serve as a clue; I’m sure. I invite anyone who reads this to comment – and I mean anyone. 360 Feedback they call it, and I need some right now.
So, whether you’re reading this via Facebook, Twitter, The website direct or I gave you the link (there’s a problem with the domain wich I need to fix), leave a comment. Don’t be shy, it’s very important to me right now. And that includes negative feedback, I need everyone around me to be as honest as they can be. I need a kick up the backside, and I’m asking for one.
So to coin my usual phrase – JFDI, Just F*****g Do It. – Don’t be shy, leave a comment; it’s VERY important.
Much Love,
Vikki xx
Feeling Trans 