Bitchmouth – The Angry Post!

Right. There is no Morning Gorgeous this morning. As anyone who knows this blog will know, everything I write comes straight from the heart. Whatever I’m feeling at the time I write is what I put down.

And today, I am angry. VERY angry.

I’m angry at a lot of people. But I’m also angry at myself. I’ll deal with myself first.

I’m angry at myself for not dealing with things in the right way. I made a mistake this morning and it’s cost me. Not a lot, my reputation has taken a battering and will do in the near future. But I can handle that in the context of what’s going on. What I’m angry at, for myself, is writing something down in the way I did. At times like this you make mistakes, sometimes you make a joke that’s taken the wrong way. And that’s what I did. I shouldn’t have done it. But I did. I could kick myself.

Now to why I’m angry at other people. I’m angry at other people because there’s better ways of dealing with something like that.

Women can be bitchy. VERY bitchy. It’s a part of being female. And I’m something I’m learning the hard way. But when you publicly tell people something personal to you and they continue to treat you the way they do, that’s wrong. Accuse me all you like, but there’s more to me than that. And if you get to know me, you’ll realise that.

So. This post is for all the girls in the group known as Bitchmouth on Facebook. This post is an apology to you for triggering something nasty and breaking the rules.

But it is also to tell certain people within the group to go do one. There’s better ways of dealing with a difficult situation. And before you say it; I don’t know what it was it was like in the playground, because my situation occurred in the playground.

Your loss.

Vikki

The Alpha Female

Morning gorgeous xx

How are you all today? Good I hope. Here’s to hoping life is treating you well and if it isn’t at this time, try to take comfort in the knowledge that the wheel of fortune will turn in your favour soon. All the dark days only serve to make out futures brighter – as long as we learn the lessons and open the doors we need to open. Life is all about choices, try and make the right one’s for you.

So, I need to keep this brief; if possible – This story is likely going to run over several posts. And there will be a delay in some of those posts appearing. The delay us due to the fact that this story is tinged with a great deal of sadness and I must request mine and my families privacy is respected over this, but there has been a loss. A great loss within the family and anyone following this blog will have an idea who that is. This is a time of great sadness, a time of finality, endings and closure.

But it is also a time of learning, of healing, change. And not all of that change is bad. Some of the lessons born out of this type of negativity can be seen a positive for the future. We all take away what we need to from this and we all mist use that to move forward in our own lives. Take away the positive memories and use those as a foundation to build something new.

And that’s why the title if this post is what it is. Because thats my lesson, that’s my building block, that’s what I was missing. I was missing my personality type. I didn’t know who I was, what I was.

I’ll explain more in another post, as now is not the time. There is much to do and much to learn, and new foundations need to be built. I’ll document all of this as this is what the blog is for. So over time you’ll see what is happening and what is mean to be.

But for now, please respect my privacy at this difficult time. I’ll be with you all soon and I’ll keep you up to date with the lessons & knowledge that I learn as I continue my journey to becoming the Alpha Female I should always have been.

God bless and much love,

Vikki xx

1, 2, 3, Welcome to A&E…

Evening gorgeous xx

How are you all this Evening? You all OK and ready for the weekend? Hope so. Hope your looking forward to a good one?

Anyway, let me describe my current situation to you before I get into the detail of this post. Currently; I’m sat in the waiting area of A&E (The Emergency Room for my American friends). The friend I am with has a suspected ectopic pregnancy and we’ve been waiting a half hour to be seen. Cracking isn’t it? Gotta love the NHS when it’s at breaking point. Its at times like these though, that I do think of the overworked and underpaid staff in an NHS hospital. Friday night’s are the worst and the busiest time for them; and I know as much as I could learn to do their job, am I capable of handling that type of pressure? And it is a lot of pressure…

But anyway, we’ve moved into an assessment room now and she’s done a test. Next up will be gyno and hopefully we can get her sorted out. Once that is done, I can go home and prepare for my trip home.

Yes, the trip home. Mum won’t be around much longer, she’s really not very well. I have to go up and see her as soon as, it is likely to be the last time I’ll see her alive. I pray she passes peacefully.

Right. Gotta sort this mess out and try and get some sleep. Got a long day ahead of me tomorrow…

Much love,

Vikki xx

Morning gorgeous xx

As the title says, “Morning Gorgeous 😘 xx”. How are you all doing today? All good I hope? Life is treating you well? Hope so.

Anyway, I’m putting this post up as I need a bit of a kick up the backside, and something tells me that I’m about to get one.

You see, as I go through all of this; I’m learning a lot about myself and how other people see me. I’m also learning a lot about people in general. Almost like a kind of awakening. Growing up, so to speak. And I suppose that’s what is happening – I’m going through puberty for a second time. Hormonally, I’m a teenager all over again and the change in hormones has affected my mental state in some very strange ways – some good, some bad.

You see, I feel a shed load better about myself. I don’t have this burning desire to mount everything that moves and make babies with it but I see a sexual attraction in both men and women, and I appreciate that now. If someone looks attractive to me, I like to compliment them on it and I’m not afraid to do so anymore – but that’s all it is, there’s nothing behind it.

I don’t feel any raging anger in my head and I’m learning to deal with the root causes of some of that anger, as you can see from some of my recent posts. Yet that anger was so great at times that it immobilized me, and I’m still procrastinating – I’ll think nothing of spending 4 hours on the Xbox (do you know how long it took me to get out of that habit!).

But I’ve realised a few things as well. And I’m working on ways of dealing with them. Like self organisation, planning and motivation – all things I used to lack; I now want to learn.

I’m more confident, that’s a massive change. Confident in myself and because of that; I’m realising that I have more ability than I thought I had (maybe I am the genius people keep telling me I am after all 😂). I’m definitely more articulate than I thought I was as I wouldn’t be able to write this blog if I wasn’t.

So it’s things like that running through my head and finally changing the way I think. Which is something I’ve needed to do for a very long time.

The effects are far reaching though. I was texting my sister about something last night and I immediately realised I was being a dickhead (language Dorothy!) about it. I couldn’t call her to tell her but she soon got the message and called me up. First thing I said to her was that I was being an idiot, and I knew I was but I didn’t stop myself from typing it – I should have done. I know that previously I wouldn’t have even seen that I was stupid about it, I’d have just carried on and that’s quite a big change for me.

Ultimately, the changes that are taking place are positive, and are giving me focus. It’s just noting where that beam is being focussed and learning to control it. Anyone who is up for the challenge of helping me do that is quite welcome to do so. Because once I do that, the sky really should be the limit…

Much love,

Vikki xx

More negativity to get rid of…

Afternoon Gorgeous… xx

I’ll make this a quick one, promise – ‘Yeah right’, you say, lol – But seriously though, when working on the internet like this; you’re wide open to peoples opinions. And you don’t know where all of them come from. You get a lot of spam. Most blog platforms deal with the spam for you, as does WordPress & Jetpack; which is the platform I use.

I read ALL the comments that come in, spam or not, and approve appropriately. Some may be approved, then disallowed. Most of those that end up being disallowed are usually some kind of spam; like the 188bet links in the screenshot.

There was one though; a few days ago, which really got the bitchmouth going. So much so, I ended up deleting it. But it’s prayed on mind. The post basically said that I was writing this blog for attention, that was all I cared about, and my audience were just that; an audience.

That’s not true, as the screenshot above should reveal. This blog is about my transition, it’s about my changes (permanent changes), it’s my view of the transition from Male to Female. I’m writing this from my minds perspective, what I see day to day and I’m giving this to you for you all to read; so you can see what really goes on inside someones head when they go through this. If that helps someone fully understand how they will feel day to day, then my work here is done. Because that’s all I’m trying to do.

This is my story, and I thank you all for reading it.

Much Love,

 

Vikki xx