Calm before a storm

Morning gorgeous xx

Hope everyone is OK; as the UK battles storm Ciara. Do remember to check on loved ones in every part of the UK – You don’t really know if everyone is OK unless they’re able to tell you. And for those who are suffering under the battering ram that Britain is facing, I pray you come through this without great loss. My thoughts are with you at this time…

Back to the post, as there are comparisons to be made and they’re why I’m writing today, so I’ll make them. But before I do, let me address an issue that has sprung out of the last post.

There have been people in my life that would say I’m an attention seeker, that I use events and people to gain attention to myself. That’s not true. As an autistic person; is see comparisons, correlations and patterns; usually in events and exchanges – If I say I’ve seen something before, I usually have; even if it was in a dream. I’m writing this post in the background of storm Ciara. Not because I want to use the storm to promote the post, but because I see a pattern in the storm; and noticing that has prompted me to write.

What did I see? Simple, storms are natural events that create havoc and cause change. They’re not the type of atmospheric event that you want to be dancing in the rain to. You need to be sheltered, battening down the hatches and hoping that your house is strong enough to cope with the battering that will unfold around you. You need to make sure your loved ones are safe, that the possessions you cannot afford to lose are taken care of and, if resources allow, that those in your community are also safe.

It is not an event that you should be looking forward to….

I see my life, currently, as going through a storm. A storm so big that my home hasn’t been able to withstand it, so big that my possessions are at risk and some will be lost, and so big that I’ve had my doubts whether I’ll make it through…

And that’s an admission right there for me – I’m vulnerable, and I will be hurt. I’m going to take a battering getting through this one and my wiley, Rat-type nature (I was born under the Chinese year of the water rat, 1972) isn’t going to be enough to see me through. I’m scared for the future, as I cannot see it; and I need to ask for help, as I cannot get through this alone.

Help has been offered, thank god, and I have a roof over my head because of that – I’m one of the lucky one’s. And I dread to think what life would be like for me had I been homeless this winter. My current situation does make me think about those who are homeless in these conditions, and what they must be going through; trying to battle high winds, torrential rain and freezing temperatures. Huddled in doorways not knowing from which direction the life threatening conditions will come from next.

It puts a more realistic spin on the depression I’m feeling, as I’m certain that I wouldn’t survive these terrible conditions – I wouldn’t know how to cope. Surviving homelessness takes a special kind of person and it changes you in ways most people can’t imagine. I’m lucky, I’ve always had a roof over my head of a night; even if it’s been just for one night. Others are not so lucky and they’ve found themselves battling to survive in conditions such as these, with nowhere to go and no shelter to be found.

What are they thinking, what are they feeling? What are we, as a country, doing to protect them during the storm? If everyone who reads this takes a moment to think about that, maybe we can do what the storm wants us to, and effect change, in a positive way?

Much love,

Vikki xx

By Vikki Kinsella

My name is Vikki, and I’m a Transgender Female living and working in the UK.

I’ve started this blog purely as a way of writing down my thoughts and feelings, as I now start my journey through transition from living life as Male to becoming Female, and beyond. You see, I spent 45 years of my life living as, what is now known as, a cisgender Male - With almost no idea that I could even consider being Female, let alone consider corrective surgery. But I must admit I did have a tendency to THINK like a woman sometimes... But doesn't every Man think like a woman on occasion? Don't try and hide it boys, you know you do, lol...

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