Troubled times

Morning Gorgeous xx

I hope and pray that anyone who reads this is safe and well at a time of global pandemic and fear. It’s not nice, it’s not a very good place for the world at large to be and many people are suffering, both visibly and invisibly as we all try to come to terms with a new way of life, forced upon us by an invisible enemy; which, as yet, we have no way to defeat.

Special thanks, praise and tributes go out to all those on the front line of the fight against this invisble killer. Here in the UK that means front line NHS staff and volunteers who, if we were to parallel this with World War One, would be in Belgium & Luxembourg. Deep in the trenches and embedded on the front line of the war, with lives being lost all around them. Those lives taken by a silent killer they cannot see. Worldwide and in the UK that tribute must also include transport workers, retail and food distribution workers, security staff and care workers… Along with the absolute army of invisble staff that flank those defences and keep the country, and the world, moving – This includes those administrative and clerical workers that you don’t see or hear about, be they working from home, or forced to work from an office. Without them all, what we see as a worldwide pandemic, could easily turn into a crisis capable of threatening us all, along with an extremely hefty loss of life.

But I think we all deserve to give ourselves some praise in these difficult times. Because the ever turning wheel of fortune, and life, is relentless. And will continue to turn even after we as a human race are gone. We have only been in existence a short period of time, yet so much has happened. We as a species have been so resilient to what has been placed before us, that it so is easy to forget that we are all individuals; especially when the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

As individuals we all have own battles we must fight, every day, in order to survive. We all have our own thoughts, feelings and fears; our unique perspective on the whole and what parts of that world work for us and what works against us. A simple example of this, is Maslows Heirarchy of Needs – The Pyramid which shows the building blocks of self actualisation. What that is and how it works is beyond the scope of this post but, If two people were to change each building block. And rename that block to what they needed to fulfill the set critera and finish building it within the confines of the Pyramid, both Pyramids would look very different – As no two people are the same.

To fight this invisble enemy, and win, we need great leaders. We must model what parts of our personality are appropriate, on those leaders and follow their example & heed their guidance – Where they go, we must follow. But we must also remember that they are indeed human too, and are as likely to make as mistake as both you and I. None of us are infallible. What we must all understand is that we learn from our mistakes, as a human race we would not be here if we didn’t, or couldn’t – It’s an evolutionary prime directive. Secondary to that, we must also understand that the punishment for a mistake must fit the crime. And we dont always have to dish out a punishment to those that have hurt us; it may not be our right to do so. To close this point off, a leader is a leader, and some of us are not leaders by choice. Some are born leaders but are not prepared for the challenges they must face during their leadership. Some are thrust into the position without ever knowing that it was their destiny. And yet others, those chosen few, are in the right place, at the right time, and they are the right person do the job – I’m behind Boris, even though he is not infallible.

That is not all the reasons why I write today, however. As not only do I see current circumstance on a global level, or a national level, but I also see this on a personal level. Those readers who have kept up with this blog will have noticed a very large gap, with very infequent writing, during 2019. There are reasons for that, which I have touched on before but I haven’t, yet, unmasked the full story of. I will in later posts, but not now. Now is not the time.

You see the global enemy that runs amongst us, has forced all of us to rethink our lives. To lock ourselves away and wait, patiently, until friendly forces can show us all that we are on a path to winning this terrible war we are currently fighting. And lockdown means isolation, and isolation can produce cabin-fever, and cabin-fever can be; if it is not checked, a silent killer. At the very least it will change you and your perspective on the world. It will show you all of your thoughts, feeling, fears, regrets and memories. And it will lay them bare infront of you, like a vast interactive carpet for you to tread on and wipe your feet. To give you an indication of what I talk about, Have you ever stared at yourself in a mirror for longer than five minutes? If you have, you’ll have a very, very minor understanding of the point I try to make.

Personally, I’ve walked most of my life in a form of isolation. Unable to present my true personality to the outside world – Unable to be myself. I was introverted in some ways and extroverted in others – To the point that some of my closest friends, who have kown me for a very long time, are finding out now that I’m not the person they thought they knew. That I’ve changed, and not just visibly. For that’s what happens when you finally come out of isolation. And you finally come home…

You are different. But they just don’t know it yet.

Still on a personal level, my life has just been through a very massive, enforced change. A change I had to face head on. Creating a situation where I had to ask for help from sources I never expected to have to ask, or to rely on. Going through that change depleted my resources to a point where every penny had to be accounted for before it arrived, not after. I had to know exactly what was going on around me and how it affected me,in order to protect myself from a very much unknown enemy. I had to fight what I could not see. To put that into context and link it to the current sitation, I didn’t expect to have to fight those same battles twice. And not so close to each other. And certainly not from a very new, unkown, silent, enemy.

I don’t have the strength to fight both battles at the same time and there’s not enough resources left for me to even consider that, but I can concentrate on one. And I might just have enough left to turn that into a vitory. And come through that intact, alive, and ready to help put all my skills to use where they will be needed; in order to rebuild the world around me. To help put it back to what is once was, but in a new and excitingly different way.

To those on the front-line of ths war, I salute you – I salute you all. I’m with you in heart & mind and I prey for you every day – Loss of life to this kind of killer, in this day and age, with current technology, is needless. And I take my hat off to those in the lab who are learning everything there is to know about this threat that we face. When this war is over, rest assured, from what you hve read, that I feel I have the skill of knowing how hard a battle in isolation can be. And that I am prepared to use that skill for the greater good. I did not see the atrocities you saw, but there may be parallels with how you felt in that moment. And if you want to talk about that, all of you have my ears. If anyone needs my help, I’ll do what I can to help them; even if it’s just to give advice and flex that, very large (lol) empathetic ear.

I salute you all,

Vikki xx

By Vikki Kinsella

My name is Vikki, and I’m a Transgender Female living and working in the UK.

I’ve started this blog purely as a way of writing down my thoughts and feelings, as I now start my journey through transition from living life as Male to becoming Female, and beyond. You see, I spent 45 years of my life living as, what is now known as, a cisgender Male - With almost no idea that I could even consider being Female, let alone consider corrective surgery. But I must admit I did have a tendency to THINK like a woman sometimes... But doesn't every Man think like a woman on occasion? Don't try and hide it boys, you know you do, lol...

One reply on “Troubled times”

I salute you all too, hats off to you all! Special mention to all the delivery drivers out there that are keeping the shelves of supermarkets stocked and to the people that are stocking them – many thanks to everyone


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