Good Morning Gorgeous xx
Due to the recent change in UK Law, specifically the Online Safety Act, 2023 and the steps taken by OFCOM here in the UK regarding personal responsibility for online content that could be harmful to those under the age of 13. I have taken the decision to remove this post from my blog.
The post depicted an incident to which I was a victim, that happened in 1982. This incident changed my life forever, and I was never the same after it happened. The incident was brushed under the carpet by authorities and care-givers at that time, and only came to loight during 2018. The description of the incident was incredibly graphic, and aided me a great deal in my recovery. And has served it’s purpose admirably.
But I must ensure the safety of others and I cannot allow such an event to happen to anyone else. Therefore, such a graphic description of the event could be seen as harmful; when that was never the intention.
Rest assured, this decision was not taken lightly. And all applicable information was considered before action was taken. If you wish to see the original content, for research purposes, please contact me at vikki@feelingtrans.com with details of your request. And we can enter into a dialogue regarding you obtaining an original copy of the post.
Please, do stay safe and well all of you.
Much love,
Vikki x
FeelingTrans 
It was a hard sad read , but it’s showing the light at the end .
You have endured such pain and now you have the life tools to show others the way . Thankyou for sharing it .
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We met online yesterday, August 12th, 2024. We shared a bit and could relate, find solidarity. My story is age 16, and it is a shock that it happens. Your story includes not knowing, and that’s very significant in my story. This is relatable and it’s cruel that it happened.
Giving a vit of time. Thinking I would like to write more.
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Do so, writing calms me down. When I first came across the sheer wall of negativity that surrounds those who have issues with trans people, I started writing. I still do. Only after the fact, now and not while in the thick of it, like when I wrote this ❤️ x
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I’ve written my story quite a bit, journaling and online. Here on WordPress too. I skipped from originally 2018 to last year 2023.
I still have too many things that distract my thoughts. I’ve read a lot about trauma affecting life and the brain. Pete Walker is where I think it’s simpler to reference. His website has quite clear explanations.
There is a history I think is relevant, yet so long I always hem and haw. Being concise doesn’t seem achievable. I know how easily I sidetrack, then want to stop. Especially thinking.
I tried to stop thinking via weed and beer. The years ’85-2000 were not spent on self improvement nor achievements. Rather escape was paramount, I thought I’d go mad. Then, sobriety.
Now sober 24 years, and waking my frontal cortex via trauma therapy (intense). I have seen too much, felt the depths I wanted not to from ’85-2000. I can think about being raped at 16. Recall the horrid bullying, sometimes physical, mostly emotional attacks I hadn’t capacity to respond or process. I knew nothing about living. That I found a girlfriend, then married because we wanted our daughter created a path that shocked my system into despondency.
What’s it called to turn off the mind, I can’t remember right now? It’s fixated to nothing, thinking nothing, wanting to disappear, unable to end myself. How did I function at all?
That history is my excuse (valid) which I have examined why I didn’t thrive. The anxiety and intense fear all those years explained to me that my faults, fear and very problematic memory (for education) meant very poor outcomes.
When I get this far, my internal rebuke that I present myself as a victim, eternally using victim mentality, I think I would again best just end it. There’s no use. I’m not doing that, it’s an internal dialogue. It does bring grieving. Too much grieving.
Anything click, does any if this mean anything with regard to my wishing I weren’t the only one? It must be said, fear of rejection stems from toddler insecurities. Parents fights I witnessed and being ignored, though punished. Probably not abuse, though definitely neglect of direction, emotional wellness or self esteem.
Too much. I always do this.
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